Are You a Transitional Person?

A self-fulfilling prophecy is a commonly known phenomenon where what is expected to happen ends up being what happens. In other words, a strong belief about a person (though it may actually be false) will influence/alter that person's actions so that the prediction comes true.

An easy to understand example: a teenager's parents are overly controlling of him because they are convinced that if he goes out, he will drink. Realistically, the teen has never had any interest in drinking. He just wants to enjoy a night bowling with some buddies. But every time he wants to go out, his parents talk about how they don't want him to drink. They vocalize the expectation that this is what he will do if they give him too much freedom. As a result, he eventually ends up in trouble with alcohol. It could be speculated that his parents created a self-fulfilling prophecy that altered his actions.

We can think of numerous examples of these self-fulfilling prophecies. We have all seen them. But I want to draw attention to a form they take that I was not previously aware of. My attention was drawn to this during one of my graduate classes.

"If your parent was an alcoholic, you will probably grow up to be an alcoholic."

"If your parents are divorced, you will probably get a divorce."

"If your parents abused drugs, you will probably abuse drugs."

How often have you heard these kinds of statements? The meanings of these statements have been misunderstood by a large part of the population. So often, these statements have been interpreted to mean that the majority of the children from dysfunctional families grow up to have dysfunctional families of their own. This could not be further from the truth! 

The statements would be more accurately stated like this:

"Children of alcoholics have a greater likelihood of becoming alcoholic."

"Children with divorces parents have a greater likelihood of becoming divorced."

"Children whose parents abused drugs have a greater likelihood of abusing drugs."

Indeed, coming from a dysfunctional family creates the possibility of children who will continue that dysfunctional cycle. There is a greater likelihood. However, the majority of children from dysfunctional homes do not do what their parents did. 

In light of this information, I began to ponder: how many children who actually end up perpetuating their parents' dysfunction do so only because people expected them to? In other words, the misunderstanding of the above information creates a self-fulfilling prophecy that alters the actions and outcomes of the children. They somehow think that this was they life that they were meant to live and they really have little choice in the matter. 

But there is another concept I want to introduce to the discussion, and that is the concept of a transitional person. A transitional person is a person who breaks a dysfunctional cycle within a family and creates a new, healthy legacy for their family and future generations.

The point is, people who come from dysfunctional backgrounds do not have to live a life of dysfunction. 

Now, I want to intertwine the concept of a transitional person with what we understand to be a Christian.

Christ offers His grace and salvation to everyone. From every background. Even the most dysfunctional ones. And within that gift of salvation, he also imparts the gift of the indwelling Holy Spirit, through whom Christians receive the transformative power to become sanctified and holy. To stand apart. To break away from dysfunction and live a life that emulates Christ's. 

No matter what background you come from or how messed up it is/was, you have a choice. And that choice is yours. It's yours alone. You cannot blame anyone for the choice you make. It is your choice and your life. But you have an option. Through Christ, you can become a transitional person. In other words, you can become a Christian. And the best part about it is, part of becoming a Christian means that you can teach others how to achieve the same thing.

This is what God calls us to be. A Christian stands out from the world as a transitional person who breaks the dysfunctional patterns of the world and call others to a higher standard of living: a life of self-denial.

"...I came that they may have life and have it abundantly." - Jesus (John 10:10)

When Things Don't Go According to Plan

Tonight, I was trying to figure out what to do about supper. I really didn't want to go to the grocery store. We had the basics . . . chicken in the freezer, green beans, potatoes. But I didn't know how I wanted to cook the chicken. I started looking online for a recipe. The cool thing about recipes is that you can always substitute, leave something out, or add something extra. As I searched for a recipe, I finally found one that sounded manageable and something we would like. While I didn't use chicken thighs, like the recipe said . . . and while I didn't use the same amounts that the recipe suggested, I followed the basic idea of it.

I think in life, sometimes we have a "recipe" in mind, and it's easy to really get frustrated and even scared when the recipe can't work according to plan. Sometimes we have to adapt in different ways. In life, things just don't always work out the way we hoped, planned, or rehearsed them to.

I never really cooked before we got married. Fortunately, I must have a knack for it, because most of what I've made has been really good. But when I first started cooking, I never wanted to stray from the recipe. I was always afraid of messing something up. But I've realized, as I've learned, that sometimes straying from the recipe is a good thing. Often, it's just what is needed to have a knock-out dish.

I think it is very analogous to life. If we try to "stick to the plan" constantly, sometimes it will become difficult because the plan just falls apart. And when things like that happen, we need to have the wisdom and the courage to stray from the "recipe" and make it work. . . even if it means that Plan A has to turn into Plan B. And the turnout, often, comes out better anyway.