Unfaithfulness. It's not a word that anyone likes to hear. For me, the word conjures thoughts of loneliness, pain, bitterness, tears, anger, and numerous other negative emotions. But what happens when unfaithfulness occurs in the minister's relationship to the local church?
Don't worry. I'm not going where you may think I am. This is not a blog about when ministers are caught in sexual scandals. It's not that at all. I'm talking about when the minister is unfaithful to the congregation, or when the congregation is unfaithful to the minister.
But how?
The relationship between a minister's family and the church is comparable to a dating relationship. When one party is always living in the past, thinking about their "ex" or looking ahead to the next one that comes along, the current one gets the shaft. How wonderful ministry would be if Christians all appreciated the preacher that they currently have, not living in the past, not looking to who the next guy will be.
When it comes to the "dating relationship" between the minister's family and the congregation, I think both are often found guilty of not being in a "committed relationship."
It's so easy for the minister's family to remember a church they were with before, how they did things this way, how they were "better" than the current church in that way. It is also easy for the minister's family to fall into the trap of thinking only about the next "relationship." It becomes easy to simply wait for something "better" to come along. And it's even easier to fall into this trap when the minister's family feels tired, taken for granted, and unappreciated.
On the other hand, it is so easy for the congregation to compare their current preacher's family to their favorite one from the past. In this case, that family from the past is brought up in regular conversation. The current preacher's "style" is compared to the preacher from the past. The congregation can also be guilty of looking ahead to the next preacher that comes along. They don't enjoy the current one, and are always thinking of possibilities for the next one.
When either party--the minister's family or the congregation--is guilty of being uncommitted, "unfaithful," if you will, the result is not a desirable one. The minister's family becomes restless, disappointed, and sometimes even bitter or resentful. The congregation is so busy worrying about "what's wrong with the preacher" that they aren't cooperating and accomplishing the REAL ministry that needs to be happening.
In a marriage, this is comparable to what might be called the "crazy cycle." When one party in the relationship feels undesirable, unappreciated, disrespected, and/or unloved, the other party feels it and reacts in a similar way. However, when one in the party is committed and the other party feels it, the other party is more likely to respond in positive ways.
The point is: The elders, the congregation, and the minister SHOULD be on the same team. If anyone in the relationship is uncommitted, the relationship does not succeed. And if it isn't worked out, ultimately "divorce" is what happens.
Challenge to ministers: Be committed and faithful to the relationship you are in with the church you work with. Be loyal to the church you are with, not missing the one you used to be at, not constantly looking ahead to a church where the "grass is greener."
Challenge to Christians: Be committed and faithful to the relationship you are in with your preacher. Appreciate your preacher. Every sermon is full of hard work, long hours, and pieces of his heart. Don't take him for granted. Don't compare him to "past relationships." Don't anticipate how much better the next one will be. Instead, appreciate him for who he is.
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