Really, though, I shouldn't care about appearance. I shouldn't be so concerned that I am "not pretty." Because I know it as well as you. I know that God isn't concerned with the outside. He is concerned with the inside. 1 Samuel 16:6 says that "the LORD sees not as man sees: man looks on the outward appearance, but the LORD looks at the heart." And I also realize that even those who are blessed with physical beauty will one day be old and gray and wrinkled. I realize it doesn't last forever. I've heard it all of my life: "Pretty is as pretty does."
But I can't seem to make the struggle end. I can't seem to stop wishing I were pretty. And I find myself asking the question: "Why"?
Why don't I think I am pretty the way I am?
Why do I think everyone else is prettier than me?
Why do I want to be pretty so badly?
Why do I care about appearances so much, when I know it's not what matters?
And in my pondering I can come to several different answers. But one of the answers that is completely obvious is the fact that we live in a culture that demands beauty. Especially to young women.
Think about the media. Constantly, there are advertisements for beauty related things: weight-loss, hair dye, make-up, clothing, exercise gimmicks, I could go on and on.
The average woman in America weighs between 145-160 pounds, and wears I size 12. (FYI, Marilyn Monroe is believed to have worn a size 12). But in our culture, you have to be a size 1 to be "pretty."
It is interesting to do research on the topic of media and self-esteem. A young girl who watches 3 minutes of commercial advertising is guaranteed to walk away feeling bad about herself. It's no wonder so many teens are suffering of eating disorders! Media is pressuring us to meet impossible and abnormal standards!
Media is telling us that we are not good enough the way we are, and that we will only be pretty when we use this product, lose that much weight, wear our hair this way, and can fit into skinny jeans and look sexy in them.
And even being aware of this, and the fact that I don't need to fall for all of this, it's still hard to not think about it everyday.
Everyday, there is something negative to notice. Everyday, there is a reason I am not good enough the way I am.
So how do I find comfort? I can think about being in Heaven with God. In Heaven, where we no longer have our physical bodies. Where we are only souls, and we are beautiful and perfect in the eyes of God.
Each day, I will struggle with thinking "Why can't I look like that?" or "Why can't I have skin like that?" And only in Heaven will it never cross my mind. Only in Heaven will I know I am beautiful. Only in Heaven will physical beauty TRULY not matter.
Because as much as I know it doesn't matter to God even now, it will always matter to humans.
There are days when acne is so bad, or I feel so fat, or I simply don't feel attractive, and I don't even want to show my face to anyone. But I can't do that. I have to proceed with my day, smile, and act like I am perfectly fine. While inside, I am humiliated that people see me like this.
But I can be joyful as I long for the day when I can be in Heaven with my Father, and all He will see is my soul. All He will see is Jesus in all of His perfection, as He has swapped places with me that I might inherit eternal life.
And until then, I will keep reminding myself that I shouldn't listen to the culture or the media. That I shouldn't care what people think, but rather what God thinks.
I will keep doing everything I can with what I've got, and proceeding with my life with a smile. Because what else can we do? We are only as pretty as we are, and there is just not much else to do about it. So I can focus on the inside. You see, when we have become as beautiful as possible on the outside,there is still ALWAYS room to grow more beautiful on the inside. More beautiful where it REALLY matters.
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