Are You a Transitional Person?

A self-fulfilling prophecy is a commonly known phenomenon where what is expected to happen ends up being what happens. In other words, a strong belief about a person (though it may actually be false) will influence/alter that person's actions so that the prediction comes true.

An easy to understand example: a teenager's parents are overly controlling of him because they are convinced that if he goes out, he will drink. Realistically, the teen has never had any interest in drinking. He just wants to enjoy a night bowling with some buddies. But every time he wants to go out, his parents talk about how they don't want him to drink. They vocalize the expectation that this is what he will do if they give him too much freedom. As a result, he eventually ends up in trouble with alcohol. It could be speculated that his parents created a self-fulfilling prophecy that altered his actions.

We can think of numerous examples of these self-fulfilling prophecies. We have all seen them. But I want to draw attention to a form they take that I was not previously aware of. My attention was drawn to this during one of my graduate classes.

"If your parent was an alcoholic, you will probably grow up to be an alcoholic."

"If your parents are divorced, you will probably get a divorce."

"If your parents abused drugs, you will probably abuse drugs."

How often have you heard these kinds of statements? The meanings of these statements have been misunderstood by a large part of the population. So often, these statements have been interpreted to mean that the majority of the children from dysfunctional families grow up to have dysfunctional families of their own. This could not be further from the truth! 

The statements would be more accurately stated like this:

"Children of alcoholics have a greater likelihood of becoming alcoholic."

"Children with divorces parents have a greater likelihood of becoming divorced."

"Children whose parents abused drugs have a greater likelihood of abusing drugs."

Indeed, coming from a dysfunctional family creates the possibility of children who will continue that dysfunctional cycle. There is a greater likelihood. However, the majority of children from dysfunctional homes do not do what their parents did. 

In light of this information, I began to ponder: how many children who actually end up perpetuating their parents' dysfunction do so only because people expected them to? In other words, the misunderstanding of the above information creates a self-fulfilling prophecy that alters the actions and outcomes of the children. They somehow think that this was they life that they were meant to live and they really have little choice in the matter. 

But there is another concept I want to introduce to the discussion, and that is the concept of a transitional person. A transitional person is a person who breaks a dysfunctional cycle within a family and creates a new, healthy legacy for their family and future generations.

The point is, people who come from dysfunctional backgrounds do not have to live a life of dysfunction. 

Now, I want to intertwine the concept of a transitional person with what we understand to be a Christian.

Christ offers His grace and salvation to everyone. From every background. Even the most dysfunctional ones. And within that gift of salvation, he also imparts the gift of the indwelling Holy Spirit, through whom Christians receive the transformative power to become sanctified and holy. To stand apart. To break away from dysfunction and live a life that emulates Christ's. 

No matter what background you come from or how messed up it is/was, you have a choice. And that choice is yours. It's yours alone. You cannot blame anyone for the choice you make. It is your choice and your life. But you have an option. Through Christ, you can become a transitional person. In other words, you can become a Christian. And the best part about it is, part of becoming a Christian means that you can teach others how to achieve the same thing.

This is what God calls us to be. A Christian stands out from the world as a transitional person who breaks the dysfunctional patterns of the world and call others to a higher standard of living: a life of self-denial.

"...I came that they may have life and have it abundantly." - Jesus (John 10:10)

Even to the Point of ... Death?

Sometimes, life stinks. In your zeal and loyalty to God, you make the decision to be bold and stay committed to Him, no matter where that takes you. The popular belief is that your zeal, commitment, and faithfulness will take you down a path full of blessings – easy and comfortable. But the truth is, sometimes God calls us to follow Him – even to the point of death. In other words, we remain true to Him, no matter the consequence. Those consequences are often good. Following God and choosing His righteousness is, without a doubt, going to result in the best possible life a Christian can have in this fallen world. But more often than we care to admit, remaining faithful to God and living righteously results in negative consequences. Otherwise, why would John have written his words in Revelation: “…be faithful unto death …”? Sometimes being faithful to God means that, in this physical world, we lose. Maybe it means you lose your friends. Or it could mean you lose your fancy car. Maybe it means you lose your much too luxurious home or a portion of the clothes that, let’s be honest, you have too much of. It might mean you lose a portion of your savings because lost souls are a little bit more important than your own financial security. Or maybe God will require you to lose your job. Or, and this one is radical, what if following Him literally means losing your life? The fact is, following Christ to the cross doesn’t mean you will have every physical gain. It often means that you will lose something in the here in now. That’s why in his letter to the Philippians, Paul said “For me, to live is Christ, and to die is gain.”

Accepting this truth and committing to follow Him no matter the loss is not easy for anyone. After all, in America we have become accustomed to enjoying our big fancy church buildings, hip fun church trips, trendy “Christian” messages, all while climbing the social ladder and enjoying our American dream. We are not accustomed to losing much of anything for the sake of Christ.

When you realize that His higher calling means you must lose something, you have two choices. You can commit to follow Him all the way or you can make the easier decision of following Him “except for fill in the blank.” (And in case you’re wondering, the latter choice means you’re actually not following Him. And if you’re not following Him, it’s not hard to guess who you are following.)

For those who commit to the higher calling, let me warn you. It won’t be easy. You see, you will commit to following Him no matter what. And when the rubber meets the road, with the Spirit’s help, you will boldly stand for Him. And when it results in losing, no matter what that may mean in your life, you will feel like you are on top of the world. You know that you lost something significant to you. But you know that God required it of you. And that knowledge will sustain you for a while. But in the time that follows, guess who is going to come knocking at your door? You guessed it. The Deceiver himself. He isn’t too crazy about this radical decision you’ve just made. And it bothers him even more that you feel good about it. So he is going to make your life a living Hell for the next few days.

In those days, you’ll hear his voice. It will sounds something like this:

“Isn’t this humiliating?”

“It wasn’t really worth it, was it?”

“Are you sure God really delivered you?”

“You’re just being self-righteous. Trying to make yourself a hero.”

“You did that for God. But where is He now?”

“God doesn’t really care what you did or lost on His behalf.”

“Are you sure He’s really there, anyway? Where is He now?”

“If God is really there, what kind of God is He? You lose all of this for Him and He doesn’t even deliver?”

The consequences of what you have lost and the significance of those losses will begin to play out and you will start to need God’s deliverance more than ever before. You’ll probably begin to feel pretty lonely. It will seem like God is so distant and Satan’s lies will begin to make a lot of sense in your head. You’ll feel yourself becoming angry with God. And Psalm 88 will become your battle cry:

“God, you’re my last chance of the day. I spend the night on my knees before you. Put me on your salvation agenda; take notes on the trouble I’m in.
I’ve had my fill of trouble; I’m camped on the edge of hell. I’m written off as a lost cause, one more statistic, a hopeless case. Abandoned as already dead, one more body in a stack of corpses, And not so much as a gravestone—I’m a black hole in oblivion. You’ve dropped me into a bottomless pit, sunk me in a pitch-black abyss. I’m battered senseless by your rage,
relentlessly pounded by your waves of anger.
You turned my friends against me,
made me horrible to them.
I’m caught in a maze and can’t find my way out,
blinded by tears of pain and frustration. I call to you, God; all day I call. I wring my hands, I plead for help. Are the dead a live audience for your miracles? Do ghosts ever join the choirs that praise you? Does your love make any difference in a graveyard? Is your faithful presence noticed in the corridors of hell? Are your marvelous wonders ever seen in the dark, your righteous ways noticed in the Land of No Memory? I’m standing my ground, God, shouting for help, at my prayers every morning, on my knees each daybreak.
Why, God, do you turn a deaf ear?
Why do you make yourself scarce?
For as long as I remember I’ve been hurting; I’ve taken the worst you can hand out, and I’ve had it.
Your wildfire anger has blazed through my life; I’m bleeding, black-and-blue.
You’ve attacked me fiercely from every side,
raining down blows till I’m nearly dead.
You made lover and neighbor alike dump me; the only friend I have left is Darkness.”

Psalm 88 (The Message)

Somehow, God expects us to blindly follow Him, no matter the loss. And what happens after that in the here in now might be good or it might be bad. But He has promised that when we follow Him even to death, the result in eternity is far better than anything we can possibly imagine. And no matter where things go in the here and now, we have to hold on to that one single promise. Because without the hope contained in that promise, it is impossible to go on following Him with such blind, bull-in-a-china-shop faith.