I'm Thankful for the Love Story my God Wrote for Me

I'm thankful this year because of the beautiful love story that God wrote for me. Here it is:

She was a senior at Mars Hill Bible School. It was March, and she was counting down the days to graduation. The days to getting out of that place, and finally moving to Henderson. She couldn’t wait until she would FINALLY be a student at Freed-Hardeman University. It was all she had dreamed of since she was in the 7th grade.

She had never dated anyone before. Never even kissed anyone, for that matter. Not that she didn’t want to; but no one was ever really interested (God had a reason for that, which will be revealed later). In fact, she wanted her love story so desperately. She was the epitome of hopeless romantic. At different points in her teen years, she longed to have a boyfriend. To have someone special. To have someone that thought she was “worth fighting for.” Someone that thought she was lovely. Someone to love. Someone to love her. And then one day, she realized that she already had that Someone. His name was Jesus Christ. So she stopped worrying. She knew. She knew He was writing her love story. And she knew she just had to be patient until He was ready. Because she learned that she had to be willing to drop it all and run on His schedule.

When she finally stopped worrying and submitted her life to Him, she decided that in the meantime (until He was ready to bring Prince Charming into her life) she would use all of her spare time to focus on God. And to grow into a deeper, more meaningful relationship to Him. She became a lover of God and of all things Godly and spiritual. She prayed for her Prince Charming often. She prayed for his safety, his success, his purity, and many other things. She even prayed that he might even be a minister. She wanted a man that was as committed to God as she was. And if was committed to sharing the Gospel, he must be the “man after God’s own heart” that she was looking for.

When she became a Senior in high school, she couldn’t help but think in the back of her mind “maybe God will introduce him (Prince Charming) to me when I get to Freed-Hardeman.” This caused her to anticipate and be excited about going there more than ever before. She had planned everything. She was going to room with her best friend, Haley Behel. She had scholarships and grant money lined up. And for Freed-Hardeman, she had scored a pretty awesome financial deal. She made frequent trips to the campus to meet people, make connections. And she prayed about it constantly. She prayed about the Prince she hoped God would bring to her.

But in March of 2009, before she ever reached graduation, she was stopped in her tracks. With plans to go to FHU, room with her best friend, and even a guy she was talking to who was also going to FH, she was brought to a screeching halt. On a Wednesday night, at church, she met him. AND THEN IT STARTED.

He was a Freshmen at Heritage Christian University. He was pursuing a degree in Biblical Studies. He was the youth minister at East Colbert, one of the local congregations. He had beautiful brown eyes and light brown hair that, ironically, was almost the exact shade of hers. He dressed respectably. He was there that night on a campaign with HCU and he took part in the service. He spoke. He spoke about grace. “Amazing grace, how sweet the sound.” And it was eloquent.

She was so set on her plans for FH, and wasn’t even thinking of the option that she might meet Prince Charming right now. She knew he must be waiting for her in Henderson. But she wanted to encourage these Bible students. They had noble goals, after all. So she walked out to the foyer and met different ones, hoping to encourage them in their work for the Lord.

Then she walked up to him. And he was so kind. So gentle. So genuine. And the conversation was so easy.

After the services that evening, the youth group was going to stay and sing for a while. The Bible students were invited to join. Both of them stayed. Both of them worshipped and sang praises to God that night, across from their future spouse. And neither had a clue.

Little did either of them know, this was it. This was that once-in-a-lifetime moment. Neither had any idea that night, in March 2009, that the two of them would be married in December of 2010. In fact, they probably would have thought you were crazy if you told them.

And they are living Happily Ever After.

When You Hit Rock-Bottom

Trials. We all go through them. Whether your spouse just cheated on you, you lost a loved one, your friends back-stabbed you, you feel lonely, your health is beating you, or whatever it may be, we all go through things that weigh on us and make us feel like we can't go on.

It is commonly believed and stated that God will not "give us more than we can handle" or that He will not put us through "more than we can take." However, that concept is actually not Biblical. The idea is a misunderstanding of 1 Corinthians 10:13, which says, "No temptation has overtaken you that is not common to man. God is faithful, and he will not let you be tempted beyond your ability, but with the temptation he will also provide the way of escape, that you may be able to endure it." Here, Paul is writing about TEMPTATIONS. These are temptations to sin, etc. Often, it has been interpreted that God will not TEST us or bring us through TRIALS that are more than we can bear. It is true that we will not be tempted to sin beyond what we can resist. But the idea that we we will not go through trials that are more than we can take is actually not Biblical.

In fact, it is very Biblical that God will allow us to be tested -- to go through very difficult times -- in order to teach us to rely on Him. In 2 Corinthians 1:3-7, Paul writes about how God is a God of comfort, there for us to lean on in times of affliction. Notice in verses 8-10, Paul was certainly tested beyond his strength: "For we do not want you to be ignorant, brothers, of the affliction we experienced in Asia. For we were so utterly burdened BEYOND OUR STRENGTH that we despaired of life itself. Indeed, we felt that we had received the sentence of DEATH. But that was to MAKE US RELY not on ourselves, but on GOD who raises the dead."

I am writing all of this out of concern. Because of the common misconception that God will not give us more than we can bear, many people leave the faith. They feel that they HAVE been given more than they can handle, and they begin to feel that God is a liar or that Christianity is a big hoax. Whatever you're going through, I'm sure, is not easy. I am not claiming to understand or to know how you are feeling. But I will say that I have, at times, felt like I couldn't handle some of the pain I've felt in my past. That's when I have learned to rely on the God of comfort.

The amazing thing about all of it is that it is these times of weakness -- the times when we feel like we will not survive if things get any worse -- that God's power is most capable of being seen. Our weakness gives God a stage to work in our lives. Paul experienced worse things than I've ever experienced. He had a thorn in the flesh that kept him down consistently, and he begged God three times to remove it. God's response is a resounding comfort to all who face trials of various kinds (see James 1 -- a great book to read when facing trials). God said, "My grace is sufficient for you, for my power is made perfect in weakness." (2 Cor. 12:8-9.

There are times in our lives when we pray earnestly for things, and God's answer is "No." It is hard for us to understand why. I don't understand everything about why God says "no" to us. But I do know that I've seen Him say "no" to me in my past, I've seen Him say "no" to my husband in His past, and we are better people today for that. At the time that He says "no," it can feel like the world is coming to an end. The idea that there could be something better is unfathomable to us. But someday, we can look back at times that God said "no" and we can see more clearly what God was teaching us when He denied us the one thing we felt we so desperately needed. He may say "no" because He has something greater in store for us. He may say "no" to teach us patience. He may say "no" to teach us to rely on Him and not on ourselves. I don't know all of the reasons He says "no," but I do know that trials can be a little less painful if we can somehow learn how to trust Him when He does say "no." He has the full picture of our lives, while we can only see a tiny glimpse. And He knows how best to answer our prayers, even when we don't always see it ourselves.

Whoever you are, and whatever your trial, you are in my prayers as you struggle to trust God in these difficult times. Don't give up on Him. Don't run from Him. Instead, lean on Him and rely on Him. Rest in His arms.


**I thank my husband for enlightening me on many of these truths. I would not be capable of writing on this topic if it had not been for the love of my life. :)

Agape Love -- The Key to a Lasting Relationship

Love.

This is a word that has been used in many different contexts about many different things and with many different meanings. But when we speak of the love shared between a husband and wife, love in its purest form is a choice. Choosing to be selfless, and sacrificial for another. The Greek word agape is the word that this type of love can be traced to.

Two people meet and for quite some time, neither can get the other of his or her mind. When they see each other, their hearts race. They can't get enough of each other. We typically call this "falling in love." This form of love is full of feeling and emotion. When experiencing it for the first time, it can be completely amazing. In a book I was reading, this experience was referred to as the "in love obsession". I tend to agree with that label. This form of love is wonderful, created by God, and has it's time and place.

What needs to be noted, however, is that this "in love obsession" -- these feelings and emotions that dominate our hearts and minds -- do not and are not meant to last forever. And that's when you have to make a choice. Are you going to be committed, and stick together no matter what? Or are you going to give up. Are you going to decide that you "just don't feel the same way about him/her anymore" and end it? The fact is, it doesn't matter who you are with. The feelings are not going to remain forever. And when they go away, it doesn't mean that you're not really with "the one."

Overcoming this first great hurdle in a relationship is what makes love begin to become real, pure, and mature. When both in the relationship make the decision to stick it out no matter what, real love is given the opportunity to take place. Real, sacrificial, selfless, agape love.

Why? When the feelings and emotions are gone, it is more difficult to show your love for each other. Many of the things you did for each other in the beginning are harder to do. An immature person will say "I'm not going to fill in the blank unless I mean it. That's like lying. That's hypocritical." This person is making excuses. The mature person looks and sees that the feelings are not there. The last things this person wants to do is fill in the blank to love this person. But love in the purest sense is when you make the decision to love your spouse FOR HIS/HER SAKE. You do it because it's best for that person. This is the selfless, sacrificial love that we are called to learn.

The best thing about making the decision to love on purpose, when you least want to, is that eventually the feelings come back. These surges of emotions will rise and fall throughout the relationship. They may be gone now, but in a few weeks, they tend to come back even greater and stronger than before. This is why it is worth it to stick together, even when the feelings and emotions are not necessarily there.

The greatest mistake is to wait, and not make a move to love the other person until the feelings come back. If you are waiting for the feelings to come back, they probably will not. The interesting thing is that when one person is mature enough to step up and to love despite the strong desire NOT to, often the person they love will reciprocate. This will get the love flowing again, and the feelings will begin to come back.

We live in a world that is upside-down. Jesus' message is to go from upside-down to right-side up. This is why the life of a Christian looks so odd to those in the world. And this is why the right thing to do can often seem odd to a Christian, who is surrounded by those of the world who are living upside-down. The world says that love is all about feelings, emotions, romance, and sex. The world says that when these things are not present, the relationship should be ended and you should move on and find someone else. This is why divorce is so rampant in our society. If Christians can live right-side up -- love when they least want to, deny self for the sake of their partner, act selflessly -- we can stop divorce in its tracks.

Is it worth it? What are you going to do? I don't know what situations my readers are in. To those who are single, plant this knowledge into your heart. And when you experience love, know that the feelings are not going to last forever. And know that the best thing you can do is make the choice to love, even when you don't want to. To those who are married, use this information to revitalize your marriage. Learn how your spouse feels loved and love them despite the fact the the feelings are not there. To those who are in dating relationships, you may not yet understand this truth. If the feelings are still there, don't expect them to last forever. But don't think they are not the one just because the feelings disappear. If the feelings are no longer there, maybe you are wondering if this is the right one or not. Maybe you don't understand why the feelings are gone. Choose to love anyway. Because I promise, those feelings are not gone forever. Just as feelings and emotions do not last forever, they also do not stay gone forever. And if you stick it out and CHOOSE to love, they will come back.

I pray that readers will see improved relationships as they try and put this into practice.

For further reading that will address some of this in detail, I recommend the following books:

Love and Respect by Dr. Emerson Eggerichs

The Five Love Languages by Gary Chapman