Where is Home?

A few days ago, my husband asked, "Do you feel at home in Eva?" This question caught me a little off-guard. As I thought about my answer, I couldn't help but answer with "Yes and No." There are a lot of things that make a place home. And for me, it feels as though home could be in a number of places. Eva feels like home in so many ways. It's the first place we "came home" together after our wedding and honeymoon. I think for that reason alone, it will always feel like home in some sense.

Yet, saying that Eva feels like home entirely would not be an honest response. Because every week when we have the opportunity to spend time in the Shoals area for school, I feel like I am being reunited with a piece of my heart. The Shoals is where I was "born and bred." And I think that for the rest of my life, the Shoals will always hold a special place in my heart. There are parts of the Shoals that I long to have in my life. A few of these might include: 1) Friends and family, 2) Christians everywhere I go and churches on every corner, 3) Mars Hill Bible School . . . and this is just to name a few.

Eva feels like home in a lot of ways too. Simply because it's the first place Matt and I have lived together, it feels like home. It's the first place I've truly been an adult. It's the first house I've had the responsibility of keeping on my own. It's the place I've learned to cook (and been scared out of my mind when I had a small kitchen fire!). It's the place that I've shared good times, bad times, and in-between times with my new husband. It will always feel like home for these reasons and many more.

But there are ways in which Eva just doesn't feel like home. I guess the biggest way is that most everyone that lives here also has family that lives here (or very nearby). And at times, I feel out of place. All of my family and very closest friends are at least an hour and 15 minutes away. All of Matt's family is at least 2 hours away. When most everyone in Eva has a large family right here to spend time with, it feels like we are outsiders in some ways.

We love Eva. And we are blessed to be here. And we don't want to be anywhere else right now. But as I have pondered Matt's question, "Do you feel at home in Eva?" I've internalized something very important that I think will get me through a lifetime. Home, for me, is where Matt is. And home, for Matt, is where I am. We are married. We truly did leave and cleave. And now, home is wherever we are together. I don't know where all God will take us in our lifetime. But I know one thing: the Shoals will always have a special place in my heart. And no matter where I go, it will always feel good to go back. The same is true for Eva. I think home can be defined as anywhere that I live with my husband (and future children?) and make memories. Home, for me, is where I am emotionally tied. And God has blessed me by allowing me to make homes in at least two places now. There are places and people I love in the Shoals. And there are places and people I love in Eva. And no matter where we go in the future, where there are people and places that I love and memories that I cherish will be a place that I call home. Home is where my heart and my family is.

A Common Misconception: What Makes a Christian Lukewarm?

The Lukewarm Christian. We all know this person, right? When I was a teenager, I thought I knew what it meant to be lukewarm. I knew that after things like Maywood and CYC, I was "on fire" for God. And I made the assumption that being "on fire" meant I was where I needed to be. And if I wasn't "on fire"(which was generally the case) I must have been either cold or lukewarm. This resulted in me feeling guilty the majority of the time. Because, to be honest, those mountain-top spiritual experiences that occurred during Maywood, CYC, and other things just didn't last as long as I would have liked for them to.

The verse says:
"I know your works: you are neither cold nor hot. Would that you were either cold or hot! So, because you are lukewarm, and neither hot nor cold, I will spit you out of my mouth."
Revelation 3:15-16

As I have matured, I have begun to realize that I had a very real misconception about what it actually means to be a lukewarm Christian. Being married allows me to realize so much more about my relationship with God. I can better understand why Christians are called the "bride of Christ" now than at any other time before.

Many people have misunderstandings of love. "Falling in love" is an amazing experience, but it's only the tip of the iceberg. Falling in love is, mainly, a huge rush of emotions. I think when I first became a Christian, these mountain-top experiences caused me to "fall in love" with God, and all I felt was a huge rush of emotions.

After the emotions wore off in my relationship with Matt, I soon realized that there was a lot more to love than I thought. Love in its purest form is not about emotions. It is about choices. and it is when the emotions wear off in a relationship that the rubber really meets the road. This is when it's not always easy to choose the loving thing. And sometimes we fail. But we have to constantly work at making the choice to love, despite how we feel or what we want. We have to learn to be selfless, making choices that will show the other person that we love them, even when we don't always feel like it.

This piece of information can transform a marriage relationship. And understanding this has helped me to have a better understanding of being a Christian. I've realized that those mountain-tops that I used to experience were just the beginning. I was in a whirlwind of emotions as I learned about God and fell in love with Him. But now, as I mature in my relationship with Him, the emotions have all but worn off. At first, I was afraid. Because I have believed that being "on fire" was to be on an emotional, spiritual mountain-top. And I've been afraid that maybe I was lukewarm, or even cold.

However, I am beginning to realize that my relationship with God is not so different from my relationship with Matt. Now that I've fallen in love with God, the emotions are wearing off. And now I get to experience love in its purest form: love as a choice. In the same way that I choose to make loving choices for Matt, even when I don't feel like it, I am learning to choose to make loving choices for God, even when I don't feel like it. I am going to fail at times. But I think being a "hot" Christian means that we strive make every choice with God in mind. We think about how our choices are going to feel to God. Will they make Him feel loved? Or neglected? Or disappointed? We can't be perfect. But if we can consider God when we make choices and make loving choices for Him, I think we will be where we need to be: Christians who are "hot." I think a "hot" Christian is best defined as one who strives to make every choice with God in mind, making those choices that show God that we love him. I think a "lukewarm" Christian is best defined as someone who just doesn't consider God when they make choices. And a "cold" Christian is best defined as someone who doesn't even care how their choices will make God feel.

I am not cold or lukewarm just because I am not on a mountain-top. If I am making choices that show God that I love Him, I am a "hot" Christian. It is our choices that define whether or not we are lukewarm. Whereas I use to think it was about emotions, that is absolutely not true. It is about our choices.

So what do your choices say about your Christianity? Based on these definitions of "hot," "cold," and "lukewarm," where do you stand? Don't feel guilty just because you are not always on a "spiritual high." I love my husband. But just because the emotions are not always there does not mean that I don't really love him.It's the same way with God.

Spiritual maturity is much deeper than how we feel in the moment. It is about learning to focus on making the right choices-the choices that express our deep love for our Heavenly Father.

A Prayer for Understanding: Seeking Truth

One way that I like to classify myself is as a lover of truth. I think honesty is the best policy. And I am convinced of what Jesus said in John 8:32, “. . . and you will know the truth and the truth will set you free.” When it comes to my convictions and beliefs, I have a deep desire to seek and find the truth. I think in the past, I have tended to accept what I’ve always been told simply because it was what I grew up hearing. Soon, I began to realize that my salvation is not worth accepting things on such a shallow basis. If I am going to be a Christian, I am going to be serious about it. And I am going to have good reasons for my convictions and beliefs. The reasons behind them, I pray, will always be truth.

Recently, in some self-evaluation, I’ve realized that I need to be more consistent about honesty. I think I am an overall honest person. But what really gets me is “white lies.” I try to avoid them at all costs, but sometimes they seem unavoidable. Let’s be honest, when your best friend gets a haircut and asks your opinion (and you hate it), are you really going to tell her the honest truth? I think people tend to fudge in that area. I know for me that is one of the difficult ones. A recent example is with food. A good friend of ours made us something and sent it home with us. We came home, tried it, and thought it was horrible! Though we felt guilty, after eating a bite each, we ended up throwing the rest away. We knew they were going to ask how we liked it later. Guess what? We didn’t tell them that we only took one bite and then threw the rest away. It was a tough situation. I think a “Wow, it was really different!” seemed to satisfy them. But really, is that being honest? It’s allowing them to think we liked it without actually saying it.

When I stop and think about it, I am truly amazed about how many “small fibs” we tell or face on a daily basis. When you are downloading something to your computer, it will always ask if you have read and agree to the terms of agreement. I don’t know many people who actually read that mile-long agreement. Most people (myself, included) simply click the box and move on with life. But isn’t that technically a lie? Similarly, many people under age 13 create Facebook profiles and they say that they are 13 or older in order to do it. This particular example is a little more significant, though, in my mind. If a child pretends to be older to get what they want (in this case, Facebook), how can we know that they won’t consider that okay later? When they want tobacco? When they want alcohol? When they want to get into an R-rated movie? Isn’t this technically a lie?

I want to be honest. But I also want to be consistent. I struggle with this, and I wish I could find an answer. Does God really expect me to hurt the feelings of a lady at church when she asks me what I think about her new haircut?

It seems that for the most part, lying is wrong. And it’s black and white. It’s cut and dry. But why does it seem like all of the best characteristics we seek to develop more fully always seem to have some exceptions? Why can’t it be easier?

Based on my conviction that honesty is the best policy and my love for truth, I want to understand a lot of things more fully than I do. There are so many different aspects of Christianity . . . so many different things that are debated and questioned. And just as soon as you think you have come to a firm stance on something, you hear another perspective and you feel just as torn on it as ever before. I want desperately to just know what is right so that I can just do it. I don’t have any bias about what I “want” to be the right thing. I don’t care what is right. I just want to know what it is so that I can obey God and be with Him someday. Why does everything seem so mixed up and so gray at times? When I think about it, I can appreciate the gray-ness. But sometimes I just wish things had been made more clear. More black and white. More cut and dry. More right, across the board. More wrong, across the board. Less exceptions.

Dear God, please give me wisdom. I want so strongly to do what is right. I desire desperately to please You in every aspect of my life. But sometimes I can’t seem to understand what pleases You. I can’t seem to understand what You really want from me. And it can often become so frustrating. Please show me understanding about the many questions I feel like I face on a regular basis. Help me to understand You and Your heart better so that I can better know how to worship You and please You. Teach me the way of Christ more clearly so that I might act more like Him and be more like Him, because there is no doubt that He pleased You. Give me strength to never give up on understanding truth, even though sometimes the murky waters discourage me beyond belief. Instill in me a desire to never give up, but to ALWAYS continue to try to learn and grow and become the woman you want me and have created me to be. Forgive me for any of the wrong convictions that I may have developed that might not be Your desire or may not be pleasing to You. Show me my error so that I may live a life that is as much in Your truth as I possibly can, with Your Spirit’s help. Guide me daily, more into Your will for my life.

In Jesus Name, Amen.

From Expecting to Accepting

No matter what we do in life, it seems that we always enter into situations with certain expectations. Sometimes, we are disappointed with reality. Sometimes, reality exceeds anything we ever imagined in our expectations. And sometimes, reality is right in line with our expectations.

One thing that is extremely important to consider about expectations is that we need to form them in the right way. It is easy to observe the culture and society around us and to come to expect our lives to line up with it. False expectations can easily build up in our minds, resulting in major disappointment. Hollywood and the media are experts at building false expectations in people’s minds. They tell us how we should look, what we should eat, what we should wear, who is the standard for “sexy,” how we should talk, what is acceptable sexually, need I continue?

As Christians, I think it is CRUCIAL that we consider the expectations that we have and weigh them against Scripture. I think we often have worldly expectations about things without even realizing it. But we need to be very careful about this and weigh what we desire and expect with what God says about the particular subject. Better yet, Christians need to learn to ignore the expectations that the world says that we should have, and instead, go directly to God’s word and form our expectations from what He says.

Because we can form our expectations in the right way (based on Scripture) and in the wrong way (based on the world), expectations have the potential to be wither very helpful or very harmful.

When it comes to dating, it is very reasonable to have high expectations. We know what we would like to see in a partner, and it is foolish to lower our expectations. Instead, we should be patient and prayerful, trusting that God is preparing just the right person for us and that He will bring this person to us in His time (which is rarely when we think it should be!) Our expectations for this person should be based on the qualities and characteristics of a Christian.

However, in some situations, expectations have the potential to actually destroy us and/or our relationships with those that we love the most. A good example of this is marriage. Even when God blesses two Christians with one another and the two are living as God desires, expectations have the potential to really hurt a marriage. A good example of this is the sexual relationship. God lays out how this is meant to be in Scripture. However, in our over-sexualized culture, it is easy for to pure Christians to enter a marriage with falsely high expectations about how and what sex is supposed to be. Our culture emphasizes sex to such a degree that pure Christians often expect it to be something far greater than it is, and it can lead to utter disappointment. Unless communication regarding this is exceptional, this can lead to a lot of pain and disappointment in the marriage.

I’ve used some pretty clear examples that show how expectations rooting from God’s word can be very good and how examples rooting from the world can be disastrous. If you find yourself experiencing disappointment because your expectations have not been met the way that you thought they would, I think this is the time that you need to work at going from “expecting” to “accepting.” This has really been helpful to me over the past couple of months of my marriage.

I think in the beginning of a marriage, we have expectations about everything regarding our partner. How they should treat us, how they should act, how they should help us, etc. I think it is easy to expect a lot out of the other person and then when he or she does not meet that expectation, we start blaming them for not “fulfilling our needs.” This is what happened to me. But when I got to that point, I began questioning whether I should be blaming myself or blaming my husband. The reality of the situation was that I was expecting my husband to be someone that he isn’t rather than accepting my husband for the wonderful man that he is. Realizing this has led to more contentment, joy, and happiness in our marriage.

I pray that, whoever you are, if you are disappointed because of unmet expectations, you can learn to “accept” rather than “expect.” Focus on changing what you can change(yourself) rather than on what you can’t (others).