I'm Thankful for the Love Story my God Wrote for Me

I'm thankful this year because of the beautiful love story that God wrote for me. Here it is:

She was a senior at Mars Hill Bible School. It was March, and she was counting down the days to graduation. The days to getting out of that place, and finally moving to Henderson. She couldn’t wait until she would FINALLY be a student at Freed-Hardeman University. It was all she had dreamed of since she was in the 7th grade.

She had never dated anyone before. Never even kissed anyone, for that matter. Not that she didn’t want to; but no one was ever really interested (God had a reason for that, which will be revealed later). In fact, she wanted her love story so desperately. She was the epitome of hopeless romantic. At different points in her teen years, she longed to have a boyfriend. To have someone special. To have someone that thought she was “worth fighting for.” Someone that thought she was lovely. Someone to love. Someone to love her. And then one day, she realized that she already had that Someone. His name was Jesus Christ. So she stopped worrying. She knew. She knew He was writing her love story. And she knew she just had to be patient until He was ready. Because she learned that she had to be willing to drop it all and run on His schedule.

When she finally stopped worrying and submitted her life to Him, she decided that in the meantime (until He was ready to bring Prince Charming into her life) she would use all of her spare time to focus on God. And to grow into a deeper, more meaningful relationship to Him. She became a lover of God and of all things Godly and spiritual. She prayed for her Prince Charming often. She prayed for his safety, his success, his purity, and many other things. She even prayed that he might even be a minister. She wanted a man that was as committed to God as she was. And if was committed to sharing the Gospel, he must be the “man after God’s own heart” that she was looking for.

When she became a Senior in high school, she couldn’t help but think in the back of her mind “maybe God will introduce him (Prince Charming) to me when I get to Freed-Hardeman.” This caused her to anticipate and be excited about going there more than ever before. She had planned everything. She was going to room with her best friend, Haley Behel. She had scholarships and grant money lined up. And for Freed-Hardeman, she had scored a pretty awesome financial deal. She made frequent trips to the campus to meet people, make connections. And she prayed about it constantly. She prayed about the Prince she hoped God would bring to her.

But in March of 2009, before she ever reached graduation, she was stopped in her tracks. With plans to go to FHU, room with her best friend, and even a guy she was talking to who was also going to FH, she was brought to a screeching halt. On a Wednesday night, at church, she met him. AND THEN IT STARTED.

He was a Freshmen at Heritage Christian University. He was pursuing a degree in Biblical Studies. He was the youth minister at East Colbert, one of the local congregations. He had beautiful brown eyes and light brown hair that, ironically, was almost the exact shade of hers. He dressed respectably. He was there that night on a campaign with HCU and he took part in the service. He spoke. He spoke about grace. “Amazing grace, how sweet the sound.” And it was eloquent.

She was so set on her plans for FH, and wasn’t even thinking of the option that she might meet Prince Charming right now. She knew he must be waiting for her in Henderson. But she wanted to encourage these Bible students. They had noble goals, after all. So she walked out to the foyer and met different ones, hoping to encourage them in their work for the Lord.

Then she walked up to him. And he was so kind. So gentle. So genuine. And the conversation was so easy.

After the services that evening, the youth group was going to stay and sing for a while. The Bible students were invited to join. Both of them stayed. Both of them worshipped and sang praises to God that night, across from their future spouse. And neither had a clue.

Little did either of them know, this was it. This was that once-in-a-lifetime moment. Neither had any idea that night, in March 2009, that the two of them would be married in December of 2010. In fact, they probably would have thought you were crazy if you told them.

And they are living Happily Ever After.

Agape Love -- The Key to a Lasting Relationship

Love.

This is a word that has been used in many different contexts about many different things and with many different meanings. But when we speak of the love shared between a husband and wife, love in its purest form is a choice. Choosing to be selfless, and sacrificial for another. The Greek word agape is the word that this type of love can be traced to.

Two people meet and for quite some time, neither can get the other of his or her mind. When they see each other, their hearts race. They can't get enough of each other. We typically call this "falling in love." This form of love is full of feeling and emotion. When experiencing it for the first time, it can be completely amazing. In a book I was reading, this experience was referred to as the "in love obsession". I tend to agree with that label. This form of love is wonderful, created by God, and has it's time and place.

What needs to be noted, however, is that this "in love obsession" -- these feelings and emotions that dominate our hearts and minds -- do not and are not meant to last forever. And that's when you have to make a choice. Are you going to be committed, and stick together no matter what? Or are you going to give up. Are you going to decide that you "just don't feel the same way about him/her anymore" and end it? The fact is, it doesn't matter who you are with. The feelings are not going to remain forever. And when they go away, it doesn't mean that you're not really with "the one."

Overcoming this first great hurdle in a relationship is what makes love begin to become real, pure, and mature. When both in the relationship make the decision to stick it out no matter what, real love is given the opportunity to take place. Real, sacrificial, selfless, agape love.

Why? When the feelings and emotions are gone, it is more difficult to show your love for each other. Many of the things you did for each other in the beginning are harder to do. An immature person will say "I'm not going to fill in the blank unless I mean it. That's like lying. That's hypocritical." This person is making excuses. The mature person looks and sees that the feelings are not there. The last things this person wants to do is fill in the blank to love this person. But love in the purest sense is when you make the decision to love your spouse FOR HIS/HER SAKE. You do it because it's best for that person. This is the selfless, sacrificial love that we are called to learn.

The best thing about making the decision to love on purpose, when you least want to, is that eventually the feelings come back. These surges of emotions will rise and fall throughout the relationship. They may be gone now, but in a few weeks, they tend to come back even greater and stronger than before. This is why it is worth it to stick together, even when the feelings and emotions are not necessarily there.

The greatest mistake is to wait, and not make a move to love the other person until the feelings come back. If you are waiting for the feelings to come back, they probably will not. The interesting thing is that when one person is mature enough to step up and to love despite the strong desire NOT to, often the person they love will reciprocate. This will get the love flowing again, and the feelings will begin to come back.

We live in a world that is upside-down. Jesus' message is to go from upside-down to right-side up. This is why the life of a Christian looks so odd to those in the world. And this is why the right thing to do can often seem odd to a Christian, who is surrounded by those of the world who are living upside-down. The world says that love is all about feelings, emotions, romance, and sex. The world says that when these things are not present, the relationship should be ended and you should move on and find someone else. This is why divorce is so rampant in our society. If Christians can live right-side up -- love when they least want to, deny self for the sake of their partner, act selflessly -- we can stop divorce in its tracks.

Is it worth it? What are you going to do? I don't know what situations my readers are in. To those who are single, plant this knowledge into your heart. And when you experience love, know that the feelings are not going to last forever. And know that the best thing you can do is make the choice to love, even when you don't want to. To those who are married, use this information to revitalize your marriage. Learn how your spouse feels loved and love them despite the fact the the feelings are not there. To those who are in dating relationships, you may not yet understand this truth. If the feelings are still there, don't expect them to last forever. But don't think they are not the one just because the feelings disappear. If the feelings are no longer there, maybe you are wondering if this is the right one or not. Maybe you don't understand why the feelings are gone. Choose to love anyway. Because I promise, those feelings are not gone forever. Just as feelings and emotions do not last forever, they also do not stay gone forever. And if you stick it out and CHOOSE to love, they will come back.

I pray that readers will see improved relationships as they try and put this into practice.

For further reading that will address some of this in detail, I recommend the following books:

Love and Respect by Dr. Emerson Eggerichs

The Five Love Languages by Gary Chapman

God Will "Make Us Pancakes", No Matter What.

In this world, we put conditions on everything we do. Think about it. If our husband calls us darling, we’ll make him pancakes. If we work, we get paid. (If we work, we can pay the bills, feed and clothe our family, and an endless list of other things.) If we go the speed limit, we won’t get a ticket. If we consume less food, we lose weight. (If we consume more food, we gain wait.) If we love our spouse in the right way, we will be loved the way we think we should be loved. (That’s a little complicated at times, but that’s how we think of it, anyway.) If we clean the house, it will smell good. If we follow the recipe, the food will turn out right. If, if, if . . .

I think sometimes in this conditional world, we tend to forget that God’s love is UNCONDITIONAL. We don’t have to “call God darling” in order for Him to “make us pancakes.” In fact, it’s quite the opposite. With God’s love, He will love us even if we don’t make Him pancakes. In fact, He will love us even if we make Him spinach, which He hates.

What I mean is, God loves us no matter what we do. Even if we don’t love Him like we should. Or love others like we should, for that matter. And believe it or not, He loves us even if we hurt Him. Even when we sin. Even if we nail His Son to the cross. (And we did). But He still loves us!

So don’t ever feel like you’re not good enough for God’s love. You are. On the contrary, don’t feel like you are good enough for God’s love. You’re not. God loves you period. But you’ll never deserve it. God is a gracious God who gives us and loves us so much more than we could ever deserve.

With a God like this, how can we NOT give Him the glory? How can we NOT fall down and worship Him? We all need a little reminding each day that God is not like us. He is not like the world we live in. He will make us pancakes, even if we DON’T call Him darling.

Because This is What Love Is...

"Love is a temporary madness. It erupts like an earthquake and then subsides. And when it subsides you have to make a decision. You have to work out whether your roots have become so entwined together that it is inconceivable that you should ever part. Because this is what love is."

-St. Augustine

The divorce rate in America is large and growing. Divorce for first marriage is 41%, second marriage is 60%, and third marriage is 73%.

I do not claim to know much of anything about marriage, especially since I've not quite been married for two months yet. But I have learned a few things that I'd like to share.

First, marriage was founded by God. Because marriage was founded by God, He intends it to be a certain way. God gave Eve to Adam to be his "help-meet." And from that day until now, His intention has been "one man, one woman; for life."

The trouble is, the Beatles had it wrong when they said "All You Need Is Love." And America has bought into the notion that they were right.

Love is a loaded word, with a lot of different meanings.

People are getting divorced because "I just don't love ____ anymore."

Guess what? You're not always going to be in love! It comes and goes. God didn't intend for marriage to be a bed of roses all of the time.

St. Augustine had it right when he said that "love is like an earthquake that subsides...and when it subsides, you have to DECIDE..."

No matter how much we try not to let it, we are all influenced greatly by the culture we live in.(And I hate our culture in a lot of ways, for more reasons than I care to get into right now). And this one is a very self-centered one. This culture seeks to gratify self. It seeks instant gratification. It expects everything to come easy for #1 (self), and if something is not easy, IT MUST BE FIXED IMMEDIATELY.

But guess what? LIFE ALWAYS ISN'T EASY. It's not always perfect. God wants us to be "joyful in the LORD," but we are not meant to be defined by our shallow happiness.

When the feelings subside, you have to make a decision. Moms, if you don't "feel" like fixing your child's lunch, do you let your child go hungry? In a normal circumstance, I would assume you would absolutely not. You would fix their lunch because they need it, even though you don't really want to.

In the same way, your spouse is today the same person you fell in love with so long ago. The same good-willed soul that you said "I do" to. If you don't "feel" like loving or "feel" like respecting your spouse, you have to choose to do it anyway. Be mature.

It won't always be easy. No one promised that. But it's worth making the decision. Marriage is full of many blessings. And the more trials you come through together, the closer you come out in the end, even if you don't like each other very much during the process. But we can "count it all joy, when we face trials of various kinds..." (James 1). We can know that God is doing something in us and through us to become more like His Son, and to ultimately bring glory to Him.

Let's do what we can to stop this epidemic. Let's be mature.

Let's CHOOSE.