The Most Important Thing You Will Ever Do As a Couple

You've heard it before, and in no uncertain terms. "Couples [families] who pray together stay together." We heard it over and over too: before we met, after we were a couple, before we were married, after we were married. But for some odd reason, it took us almost four years to convince of stubborn hearts of the benefits of praying together as a couple.

When we were engaged, a good friend gave us a gift that included a little notebook. When she gave me the gift, she told me that the prayer journal was not optional (Props to JJ Davenport). She said we have to use it. Even then, I knew she was right. And I think we both had the best of intentions. Though we weren't praying daily throughout our time dating or even our time as an engaged couple, we thought when we were finally married we would carve out the time to do it. Listen, people. Getting married does not change who you are and it is just as unlikely to change your prayer habits! Though we have always planned to implement this into our relationship and our family life, we put it off and put it off!

This past August, God led us to Choctaw, AR. In doing so, we were given the opportunity to turn over a new leaf and to start over fresh and new. Ironically, the church had a mindset to do the same! So, as we traveled five hours from Alabama (Roll Tide!) to Arkansas, we began talking about some of the habits we have failed to incorporate into our relationship/family. Prayer came up as one of the biggest failures. Though we have prayed individually, we have not prayed together as a couple with the exception of praying before meals. So, we made the decision that beginning our first night in our new Arkansas home, we would each pray - out loud, together - before we went to sleep. And we would do this every night before we went to sleep.

I wish I could list all of the ways that this has changed us, improved our relationship, and revealed the power that is unleashed through prayer. But that would be impossible. Our first night in the new house was Wednesday night, July 30th. And in less than a month, we have been overwhelmed with the result. In marriage, God allows couples to enjoy intimacy with another human that is only a glimpse to what we have with Him. But I am convinced that there is nothing more intimate than praying together as a couple. And the other areas of intimacy that you enjoy will be vastly improved by prayer together. Having the opportunity to hear one another's hearts approach the throne of God is an opportunity that you cannot neglect. Don't misunderstand me. We've had a great marriage for the duration of these 3.5+ years. But there is so much more that can be enjoyed. The benefits that you will reap from incorporating this into your relationship will blow your mind.

Whether you are a single person pursuing a spouse, a dating couple, an engaged couple, a newly married couple, or a couple that has been married for 40+ years, please hear me out. If you have not made it a habit to listen to one another pray to God daily, you need to make it a priority to begin this habit. Don't make the mistake we made of putting it off. The longer you put it off, the harder it will become to start. The very first time we did it was - to be blunt - awkward. But by the third night, it was incredibly comfortable. And our love for one another has increased exponentially (and I didn't think that was possible!).

So, why is it such a big deal? Though an exhaustive list is impossible, I've selected five reasons why praying together as a couple is the most important thing you will ever do as a couple.

1) Accountability -
Though we all have the best of intentions, we all struggle in our individual prayer life. If this is you, one immediate benefit of praying together as a couple is that you hold each other accountable. Moreover, beginning to pray together as a couple will - in my experience - increase your individual prayer life. You can't possibly list, verbally, everything on your heart in your prayer time as a couple. But you can pray individually about those things during the times in between. In my experience, I have begun to pray even more as an individual.

2) Relationship -
If you claim that you like each other every moment of every day in your marriage, not many people are going to actually believe you. But something amazing about praying together is that it makes it nearly impossible to be mad at each other. If there is any hint of hostility or tension between you as a couple, it's pretty hard to approach God's throne together with that going on between you. Moreover, praying together provides an excellent venue for your spouse to hear you - to hear your heart - as you ask God to forgive you for failing your spouse. Hearing what is really going on in your spouse's soul makes you more compassionate, empathetic, and forgiving towards each other. And hearing each other pray will - without a doubt - make you love each other more. You get a daily glimpse into the soul of the person you love most. It is a good reminder of why you chose each other in the first place!

3) Scripture -
It goes without saying that God wants to hear from His kids. In 1 Thessalonians 5, we learn that He wants us to pray without ceasing. In other words, our hearts and minds should always be in a "prayer posture." Our idle thoughts should always be directed towards God and open to His will for our lives. Moreover, Scripture teaches that prayer changes things (Matthew 7; James 5). If you want to see the power of God in this world, prayer is one sure way to make that happen!

4) God's Presence -
Do you want God to be present in your family? Praying together as a couple will open the doors of your home and invite Him in. We have sensed God's presence in our family at a much deeper level than ever before. His love never fails and never gives up and we know that without a doubt. There are so many things we have heard each other express before Him and He never fails to hear us and respond. (Disclaimer: His response will always be His will, not yours. And you have to be surrendered to that!)

5) Opportunity-
One of our best couple friends living in Georgia (shoutout to Jim and Nancy Kerr) keeps a running prayer list. Since we met this sweet couple, they have always reminded us that we are on their prayer list. They pray daily as a couple and we know - without a doubt - that they are praying for us. Praying as a couple gives you the opportunity to let people know they are on your list. It gives you the opportunity to model a Godly relationship before a lost a dying world ... and even before the Christian world that has failed to incorporate this into their families. Don't let this opportunity pass you by! It will make a difference in the lives of the people around you. We have prayed daily for Dr. Kent Brantley since day 1. Though we know who some of his family is, he doesn't know us from Adam. But we know without a doubt that we were a part of his healing and recovery from Ebola because we prayed for him together.

Is this something that you have done together as a couple, too? If so, leave your comments and let me know how this has impacted your relationship with each other, your walk with God, and your life. Tell me your story!

24 Lessons I Have Learned in 24 Months of Marriage

It has been said that the first two years of marriage are the most difficult. I'm not sure if that holds true for every married couple or not. Our first two years have been more joyful than miserable. They've been more fun than unbearable. That being the case, we have learned some valuable lessons during our first 24 months together. I can't speak for my other half, but I can share some of the things that I've learned. In all honesty, if I didn't place a limit on how many things I share, I would probably never stop (hey, you learn something new everyday, right?). For that reason, I am going to list 24 lessons that I have learned in 24 months of marriage. Some may be serious and some may give you a good laugh. They are written in no particular order.

1) Laugh. No matter what else is going on, always find something to laugh about. Everyday. It's good medicine and you feel better about each other when you know you can be yourself and just laugh with each other.

2) Communicate. Don't expect your spouse to know what you are wishing he/she would do. Ladies, if you have a lot to do and you need him to lend a hand with the dishes, just ASK! Kindly. :) Chances are, he won't mind a bit. He didn't offer because he TRULY just didn't think about it. Don't expect your spouse to be a mind reader.

3) Accept. I don't care how compatible you are, your spouse will NEVER meet all of your expectations. You have two options: a) you can resent that fact that your spouse fails to meet your expectations, b) you can accept your spouse as he/she is. Chances are, your expectations are unrealistic anyway. That puts you in the place of the one who needs to change. You can't expect your spouse to be something that is unrealistic. The best option is to accept and appreciate him or her as is.

4) Forgive. We've never been a couple to hold a grudge towards each other, at least not on purpose. We never stay mad at each other for more than a few minutes, a couple of hours tops. Never let yourself go for days or weeks angry at each other. Life is too short and marriage is too sweet to make it miserable for both of you. Get over it and move on. Be willing to agree that you both win, and move on to bigger and better things.

5) Inform. This might be a little crass, but it's necessary. Ladies, inform your man when it's "that time of the month." You, like every other female, will probably get ticked at him for something you would never get ticked about at any other time ever. He will take it personally, get confused, and be angry. By simply informing him that it's about that time, he will expect it and won't think a thing about it. If he knows how to treat a woman, he will be gracious and take whatever you throw at him, knowing that it's nothing personal.

6) Take Pictures. We had engagement pictures taken in the fall, right before our December wedding. Since then, we have had pictures taken each of the subsequent years around the same time. It is amazing to look back to the engagement pictures and see how we've changed in just a little over two years. We just look more mature than we did then. And I have no doubt that when children come along, looking at those old pictures will be a blast for the whole family. And when we are old and gray, we will be able to see every stage of our lives. It's not always convenient, but it's definitely worth it. Even if you have to drag your husband kicking and screaming, he'll be glad you did when it's over with.

7) Choose. Most people associate love with a big rush of happy, warm, fuzzy emotions. If you expect marriage to succeed because of love defined in this way, just know that you're doomed for failure. The purest form of love is love as a choice. This is the type of love that creates a committed marriage that lasts a lifetime. Plain and simple, there will be days when you don't like each other that much. There will be times when you just don't want to show your love for your spouse. But guess what? God wants you to do it anyway. That's why he commands Christians to deny ourselves daily. That means when we don't really want to do something for our spouse, we choose to do it anyway because it is what is best for them. We do it anyway because God expects it. We do it anyway because we promised on December 18, 2010 that we would.

8) Dream. Some of the best moments we've had since we've been married have been the moments when we plan goals and dream about the future together. When you accomplish great milestones, you imagine what the next one will be like. You talk about the future and plan how you hope things will be. These are some of the most energizing conversations we have had. Dreaming together and planning your future together is another part of being committed to each other for a lifetime.

9) Dress Well. If you are planning on accomplishing great things together, dress like it. When I was in high school, I wore t-shirts and jeans almost every single day. There's nothing wrong with that, and I still wear that stuff occasionally. But I've made big changes in that department, and it's amazing how it can make you feel about yourself. Dress for success and you can expect to succeed. And both spouses appreciate seeing one another care enough to dress well. When you feel good about your appearance, you are more confident in who you are, and that positively impacts your marriage along with everything else that you do.

10) Celebrate. When one of you accomplishes something that matters a lot, big or small, celebrate it together. Young married couples are each other's main cheerleader. When something great is accomplished, show the other than you care and that you are proud of them. You need that support and encouragement from each other.

11) Throw Things Away. Don't accumulate junk. Start your marriage off with the good habit of throwing out, or donating, what you don't need. Trust me, it doesn't take long to accumulate enough for two (or more!) households. And clutter can drive you both crazy. Do yourselves a favor and make the habit of going through and de-cluttering a few times a year. You'll thank yourselves for it.

12) Try New Things. There is always something that you've never done together. Find something like that occasionally and do it. You might not enjoy it. You might find you hate it. You might find you love it. But the fun part is doing it together for the first time.

13) Do Old Things. Take the time to go do some of the things you did when you were dating, or things you did together on your honeymoon. It's always good to remember those old times and make new memories in the here and now. Doing things you use to do together can remind you why your together and renew appreciation for one another.

14) Recognize Important Dates. Gifts might not matter much to one or both of you. And that's fine. But it's still important to recognize birthdays, anniversaries, and the like. If you hate gifts, take a trip together or go do something you've been wanting to do for a while. Even if you hate gifts, everyone loves receiving a card. And if going to pick out a card is too difficult, open up a Microsoft Word document and just write down a few thoughts for each other. But DON'T, and I mean DON'T ignore the date altogether. It's nice to have something to save so you can look back at it through the years and appreciate each other more.

15) Care. Both of you will have your own different passions in life. When you're passionate about something, you're going to talk about it, probably a lot. Listen to each other talk about your passions. Express enthusiasm and encourage each other in these areas. Passion is what drives people to do great things and be successful. Help your spouse become all he/she can be by supporting them in their passions.

16) Compromise. This one probably goes without saying. Sometimes you want one thing to happen and your spouse wants another thing to happen. Be willing to give a little and meet in the middle. And once you do compromise, be happy about it. Don't keep holding a grudge about things not going exactly your way. Compromise and then move on.

17) Cuddle. Cuddling is easy when your dating. You always want to be together and being together always includes some form of cuddling, hugging, and holding. After a few months of marriage, this decreases substantially. Make time for it. It really makes you both feel good to hug and cuddle. And sometimes you might need that when you don't even realize it. It's good medicine. Add "we need some cuddle time" to your regular vocabulary.

18) Be a Servant. Something I've grown to appreciate about Matt is his servant heart. He always puts others first and has the most impeccable manners. He never takes the closest parking spot, never walks ahead of someone else, and never fights to be first. If he needs to get up, he almost always asks me if I need or want anything. I've made it a habit of doing the same for him. If we are blessed with children someday, we hope they can pick up on that type of attitude.

19) Read Books. One of the most beneficial things we have done for our relationship is read marriage books together. For us, the way this usually works is we pick out a book together and I read it out loud when we are traveling in the car. This has worked well for us because we tend to travel quite a bit. But being willing to read these books with the attitude that there is always room to improve and grow is so beneficial for both of you.

20) Splurge. One of the facts of life is that it costs money to do things. Be creative. You can always find something affordable. But you should always be willing to splurge occasionally for each other. That might mean eating at your favorite but expensive restaurant once a year. It might mean spending a couple of nights in Gatlinburg together. It might mean buying a shirt or a book for your spouse. But be willing to INVEST in your marriage.

21) Maintain Good Health. We don't win in this area. We aren't the best about eating and exercising well. But we have improved! If you need to shed a few pounds, do it together. And even if one of you doesn't need to lose weight, do it together anyway if it will help your spouse achieve better health. Create an exercise routine to do together, whether it's walking, running, or going to the gym. Hold each other accountable. It's a lot easier when your doing those things as a team than when you're going at it alone.

22) Never Degrade. Don't call each other names. Don't put each other down. Not even jokingly. Most people are critical enough of themselves, without their spouse joining in. Never put each other down to each other's face, or to anyone else. Don't take part in spouse-bashing. It's not beneficial for ANYONE and does nothing but build resentment in you. If you're angry and tempted to do this in the heat of the moment, just leave the room. Don't say a word until you've calmed down.

23) Always Build Up. You can never say enough kind, encouraging words to each other. Always be the first to compliment and congratulate each other. Speak well of each other everywhere, be it in front of your friends, in front of your family, on Facebook, in the pulpit, to your children, or otherwise. If you put your spouse down, you might as well be putting yourself down as well because YOU picked your spouse. Be proud of your choice and speak highly of your spouse always.

24) Get a Pet. Laugh if you want. If you don't already have a pet, get one. This is especially true if you either don't have kids yet and won't for a while or if your kids are gone. It has been astonishing how much getting our little cat has impacted us in positive ways. No matter how discouraging our day is, we always come home to the sweetest little kitty. We both love her to pieces and it's someone we have in common that we can love and share and nurture together. She has brought so much joy into our marriage, more than we ever dreamed was possible.

My prayer is that someone, somewhere, will read this and learn at least one valuable lesson that they can incorporate into their marriage. At the very least, maybe something here will inspire someone to be better than they are. We don't live up to each of these perfectly. But being aware of them can sometimes make all the difference. The time is upon us where the odds are against the majority of married couples to be together "til' death do us part." It is my prayer that something here will help some couple, somewhere, beat those odds. We both have plenty of odds stacked against us. But since day one, divorce has never been an option. In fact, it's never even been in our vocabulary. And we have no doubt that we will be together until death. Our covenant with God is unbreakable and we take our vows to each other as seriously as we take our commitment to Christ. We will be faithful to the end.

True Religion - James 1:27

Commitment. Commitment is one thing that, as time rolls forward, becomes less and less of a priority to people. No one wants to let others down, and if you never commit in the first place, you'll never be held accountable, and therefore you'll never be a let-down.

Each generation seems to be less committed and less responsible than the previous. Why? It's hard to grasp.

There is a popular idea spreading throughout Christianity. It is the idea that religion is somehow a bad thing and that Jesus/Christianity ought to be separated from religion. We've all seen the popular phrase: "I have a relationship, not a religion."

A popular video was circulating recently titled, "Why I Hate Religion, But Love Jesus". A ton of people "bought in" to and endorsed this video, by re-posting it and sharing it on Facebook. Discussions began to take place about whether or not it was true, what was right about it, what was wrong about it, etc.

For those who have not yet seen the video, click here.

I don't have any intention of bashing anyone who endorses the video, or Mr. Bethke, the man who wrote it. I believe that the video does contain some excellent content. However, I do feel that it is the responsibility of the church to recognize it for what it is and to speak up. I don't endorse arguing publicly for the world to see. But creating a false dichotomy between Jesus and Religion can have a large and negative impact on the future of the Lord's church.

The first problem with the belief is that the term "religion" is being misused in the worst way.
Here are some definitions of the word from Merriam-Webster:
Religion:
1)The service and worship of God or the supernatural
2)Commitment or devotion to religious faith or observance
3)A personal set or institutionalized system of religious attitudes, beliefs, or practices

A relationship with Jesus is absolutely important, and I am in no way down-playing that. But not to the exclusion of religion. A relationship with Him leads us to religion. Because Christianity and a relationship with Christ includes the "service and worship of God," "commitment or devotion to faith," and "a set of beliefs, attitudes, or practices," all of which are definitions of religion, religion becomes the very expression of our relationship with Christ.

A second problem with the idea that Jesus is in opposition to religion is that it is simply unbiblical. Sure, the Bible teaches against hypocrisy. It teaches against self-righteousness. It teaches against "lukewarmness". It even teaches against false religion. But false religion in no way excludes religion in its entirety. To the contrary, in fact. The Biblical teaching is this: "Religion that is pure and undefiled before God, the Father, is this: to visit orphans and widows in their affliction, and to keep oneself unstained from the world" James 1:27. The word "religion" in James is not a bad word. It depicts what one does in the presence of God.

A third problem that I can't get past with trying to divorce Jesus from religion is this: without religion, Christianity becomes largely based on feelings. And a relationship cannot last based only on feelings. Think about when you became you first became a Christian, or about some of those times you were "on a mountain" spiritually. It's easy to respond to God in worship at times like this. And it's often these times, when emotions run high, that we are converted. This is the one that really disturbs me about the whole thing, because after being married for a year, it really hits home with me. A relationship with God cannot be based on emotions and feelings. If religion is the thing that commits a Christian to Him, and you throw it out, what ties you to Him when you aren't "feeling it" next week? The fact is, relationships have their ups and downs. Sometimes emotions/feelings are high and I'm "crazy" about my husband. Other times, not so much. If we weren't married, I would be hard-pressed to remain faithful, loyal, and committed to him when I'm not really feeling it. Trying to separate Jesus from religion is the equivalent of trying to separate a husband/wife from marriage. Without the religion, you have no commitment and no reason to be faithful when emotions are not so high. Without marriage, you have no commitment and no reason to be faithful when emotions are not so high.

A relationship with God/Jesus/Holy Spirit and religion simply cannot be separated. They work together to help us be loyal, faithful, and committed Christians. When we are "feeling" the relationship, we automatically respond in love, worship, and adoration, by doing those things we have come to believe we should do in our "religious" system. But sometimes we aren't "feeling it." And while "going through the motions" is not necessarily something to endorse, sometimes that is what it takes for the "feelings" to return. When we don't want to go sing to God, but we do ANYWAY (because we are religious and we are committed to our religious system of beliefs) we are showing God that we are faithful. We are being selfless by "denying self," and "taking up our cross." We are choosing to do what He wants, rather than doing what we want. Religion is what it takes to "get us there" sometimes. The same concept can be better understood in a marriage relationship. Frankly, sometimes the last thing I want to do is cook fried chicken for my husband supper. (Especially if other outside circumstances have caused me to be frustrated with him that day.) And I may be frustrated because it seems like we haven't been "feeling it" lately. Often, though, doing that thing for him even though it's the very thing I DON'T want to do, results in a loving reaction on his part, and suddenly we are both "in love" again. The point is, we commit to God through religion in the same way that we commit to our spouses through marriage.

I don't want to shoot down everything that I see. That's not what I am trying to do. But I think this is pertinent for this reason: endorsing the separation of Jesus from religion caters to a generation that is seeking "a little Jesus" without commitment or responsibility. The generation that I am in is the one that will see this play out when our children and grandchildren grow up. I don't want to be responsible for a generation of people who wear the label "Christian," but don't live it.

Endorsing this type of thing is attractive. Anyone is willing to say "I love Jesus!" and jump into the baptistry. But the same people are not necessarily willing to make the commitments that true Christianity calls for. Creating a system that attracts a people who will not commit does more harm than good for Christianity. It would be better to call it for what it is, defining what becoming a Christian costs you (your life), and only attract people who are the "real deal." Why? Because when you have a group of people who come to church, wear the label "Christian," but live a life that contradicts that, two things happen: 1) these people negatively impact the "true" Christians who are trying to live right, 2) when lost people see that becoming a "Christian" does nothing to improve quality of life, they will see no reason to become one.

I have attempted to write this with the right Spirit and the right attitude. I pray that it will be seen as helpful rather than hurtful, and that it will encourage Christians to be who we are supposed to be and live like we are supposed to live. May we all continue to seek, believe, and live truth.

From Expecting to Accepting

No matter what we do in life, it seems that we always enter into situations with certain expectations. Sometimes, we are disappointed with reality. Sometimes, reality exceeds anything we ever imagined in our expectations. And sometimes, reality is right in line with our expectations.

One thing that is extremely important to consider about expectations is that we need to form them in the right way. It is easy to observe the culture and society around us and to come to expect our lives to line up with it. False expectations can easily build up in our minds, resulting in major disappointment. Hollywood and the media are experts at building false expectations in people’s minds. They tell us how we should look, what we should eat, what we should wear, who is the standard for “sexy,” how we should talk, what is acceptable sexually, need I continue?

As Christians, I think it is CRUCIAL that we consider the expectations that we have and weigh them against Scripture. I think we often have worldly expectations about things without even realizing it. But we need to be very careful about this and weigh what we desire and expect with what God says about the particular subject. Better yet, Christians need to learn to ignore the expectations that the world says that we should have, and instead, go directly to God’s word and form our expectations from what He says.

Because we can form our expectations in the right way (based on Scripture) and in the wrong way (based on the world), expectations have the potential to be wither very helpful or very harmful.

When it comes to dating, it is very reasonable to have high expectations. We know what we would like to see in a partner, and it is foolish to lower our expectations. Instead, we should be patient and prayerful, trusting that God is preparing just the right person for us and that He will bring this person to us in His time (which is rarely when we think it should be!) Our expectations for this person should be based on the qualities and characteristics of a Christian.

However, in some situations, expectations have the potential to actually destroy us and/or our relationships with those that we love the most. A good example of this is marriage. Even when God blesses two Christians with one another and the two are living as God desires, expectations have the potential to really hurt a marriage. A good example of this is the sexual relationship. God lays out how this is meant to be in Scripture. However, in our over-sexualized culture, it is easy for to pure Christians to enter a marriage with falsely high expectations about how and what sex is supposed to be. Our culture emphasizes sex to such a degree that pure Christians often expect it to be something far greater than it is, and it can lead to utter disappointment. Unless communication regarding this is exceptional, this can lead to a lot of pain and disappointment in the marriage.

I’ve used some pretty clear examples that show how expectations rooting from God’s word can be very good and how examples rooting from the world can be disastrous. If you find yourself experiencing disappointment because your expectations have not been met the way that you thought they would, I think this is the time that you need to work at going from “expecting” to “accepting.” This has really been helpful to me over the past couple of months of my marriage.

I think in the beginning of a marriage, we have expectations about everything regarding our partner. How they should treat us, how they should act, how they should help us, etc. I think it is easy to expect a lot out of the other person and then when he or she does not meet that expectation, we start blaming them for not “fulfilling our needs.” This is what happened to me. But when I got to that point, I began questioning whether I should be blaming myself or blaming my husband. The reality of the situation was that I was expecting my husband to be someone that he isn’t rather than accepting my husband for the wonderful man that he is. Realizing this has led to more contentment, joy, and happiness in our marriage.

I pray that, whoever you are, if you are disappointed because of unmet expectations, you can learn to “accept” rather than “expect.” Focus on changing what you can change(yourself) rather than on what you can’t (others).

The Unbreakable Vow

On December 18, 2010 I made a permanent vow. This vow is a promise that is written in stone on God's records. I like to go back and remind myself of the things I promised that day from time to time. There are days when I wonder what on earth I was thinking. There are days when I ask God what He was thinking. There are days when things feel so "hum-drum" that I don't know if I can take it anymore. And it's days like those that I like to re-read these vows and re-live that day, and all of the feelings and emotions that I associate with it. And no matter how I feel now, good or bad, I can look back and remember. And I can know that this is real, true, God-ordained and God-arranged love, partnership, and friendship. And I can recommit myself to making the most of the time that God allows me to have with this wonderful man. My "gift from God." The promise is so special and so important. And no matter what happens to us, nothing will change this covenant. It is done. It is forever. Nothing breaks it except death. That's a big responsibility. But it's urgent that I keep it both to God, and to my husband. So, here is what I promised the two greatest men in my life on December 18, 2010:


"Matthew is a Hebrew name, meaning 'gift from God.' A gift from God you truly are to me. You really are my prince, as you have rescued me in many ways. I am reminded of Ephesians 3:20—21: “Now to Him who is able to do immeasurably more than all we ask or imagine, according to His power that is at work within us, to Him be the glory in the church and in Christ Jesus throughout all generations.” Before I ever knew you, I spent many hours praying for you. God answered my prayer fully, but also infinitely beyond anything I could have ever thought to ask for or imagine. For this I am eternally thankful. Because you are God’s gift to me, I enter into a lifetime covenant between God, you, and myself. I pray that I will always strive to be the help meet that God created me to be especially for you. I promise to faithfully and unconditionally love you, respect you, and be submissive to you as the head of our home, for the rest of our lives."

Because This is What Love Is...

"Love is a temporary madness. It erupts like an earthquake and then subsides. And when it subsides you have to make a decision. You have to work out whether your roots have become so entwined together that it is inconceivable that you should ever part. Because this is what love is."

-St. Augustine

The divorce rate in America is large and growing. Divorce for first marriage is 41%, second marriage is 60%, and third marriage is 73%.

I do not claim to know much of anything about marriage, especially since I've not quite been married for two months yet. But I have learned a few things that I'd like to share.

First, marriage was founded by God. Because marriage was founded by God, He intends it to be a certain way. God gave Eve to Adam to be his "help-meet." And from that day until now, His intention has been "one man, one woman; for life."

The trouble is, the Beatles had it wrong when they said "All You Need Is Love." And America has bought into the notion that they were right.

Love is a loaded word, with a lot of different meanings.

People are getting divorced because "I just don't love ____ anymore."

Guess what? You're not always going to be in love! It comes and goes. God didn't intend for marriage to be a bed of roses all of the time.

St. Augustine had it right when he said that "love is like an earthquake that subsides...and when it subsides, you have to DECIDE..."

No matter how much we try not to let it, we are all influenced greatly by the culture we live in.(And I hate our culture in a lot of ways, for more reasons than I care to get into right now). And this one is a very self-centered one. This culture seeks to gratify self. It seeks instant gratification. It expects everything to come easy for #1 (self), and if something is not easy, IT MUST BE FIXED IMMEDIATELY.

But guess what? LIFE ALWAYS ISN'T EASY. It's not always perfect. God wants us to be "joyful in the LORD," but we are not meant to be defined by our shallow happiness.

When the feelings subside, you have to make a decision. Moms, if you don't "feel" like fixing your child's lunch, do you let your child go hungry? In a normal circumstance, I would assume you would absolutely not. You would fix their lunch because they need it, even though you don't really want to.

In the same way, your spouse is today the same person you fell in love with so long ago. The same good-willed soul that you said "I do" to. If you don't "feel" like loving or "feel" like respecting your spouse, you have to choose to do it anyway. Be mature.

It won't always be easy. No one promised that. But it's worth making the decision. Marriage is full of many blessings. And the more trials you come through together, the closer you come out in the end, even if you don't like each other very much during the process. But we can "count it all joy, when we face trials of various kinds..." (James 1). We can know that God is doing something in us and through us to become more like His Son, and to ultimately bring glory to Him.

Let's do what we can to stop this epidemic. Let's be mature.

Let's CHOOSE.