From Expecting to Accepting

No matter what we do in life, it seems that we always enter into situations with certain expectations. Sometimes, we are disappointed with reality. Sometimes, reality exceeds anything we ever imagined in our expectations. And sometimes, reality is right in line with our expectations.

One thing that is extremely important to consider about expectations is that we need to form them in the right way. It is easy to observe the culture and society around us and to come to expect our lives to line up with it. False expectations can easily build up in our minds, resulting in major disappointment. Hollywood and the media are experts at building false expectations in people’s minds. They tell us how we should look, what we should eat, what we should wear, who is the standard for “sexy,” how we should talk, what is acceptable sexually, need I continue?

As Christians, I think it is CRUCIAL that we consider the expectations that we have and weigh them against Scripture. I think we often have worldly expectations about things without even realizing it. But we need to be very careful about this and weigh what we desire and expect with what God says about the particular subject. Better yet, Christians need to learn to ignore the expectations that the world says that we should have, and instead, go directly to God’s word and form our expectations from what He says.

Because we can form our expectations in the right way (based on Scripture) and in the wrong way (based on the world), expectations have the potential to be wither very helpful or very harmful.

When it comes to dating, it is very reasonable to have high expectations. We know what we would like to see in a partner, and it is foolish to lower our expectations. Instead, we should be patient and prayerful, trusting that God is preparing just the right person for us and that He will bring this person to us in His time (which is rarely when we think it should be!) Our expectations for this person should be based on the qualities and characteristics of a Christian.

However, in some situations, expectations have the potential to actually destroy us and/or our relationships with those that we love the most. A good example of this is marriage. Even when God blesses two Christians with one another and the two are living as God desires, expectations have the potential to really hurt a marriage. A good example of this is the sexual relationship. God lays out how this is meant to be in Scripture. However, in our over-sexualized culture, it is easy for to pure Christians to enter a marriage with falsely high expectations about how and what sex is supposed to be. Our culture emphasizes sex to such a degree that pure Christians often expect it to be something far greater than it is, and it can lead to utter disappointment. Unless communication regarding this is exceptional, this can lead to a lot of pain and disappointment in the marriage.

I’ve used some pretty clear examples that show how expectations rooting from God’s word can be very good and how examples rooting from the world can be disastrous. If you find yourself experiencing disappointment because your expectations have not been met the way that you thought they would, I think this is the time that you need to work at going from “expecting” to “accepting.” This has really been helpful to me over the past couple of months of my marriage.

I think in the beginning of a marriage, we have expectations about everything regarding our partner. How they should treat us, how they should act, how they should help us, etc. I think it is easy to expect a lot out of the other person and then when he or she does not meet that expectation, we start blaming them for not “fulfilling our needs.” This is what happened to me. But when I got to that point, I began questioning whether I should be blaming myself or blaming my husband. The reality of the situation was that I was expecting my husband to be someone that he isn’t rather than accepting my husband for the wonderful man that he is. Realizing this has led to more contentment, joy, and happiness in our marriage.

I pray that, whoever you are, if you are disappointed because of unmet expectations, you can learn to “accept” rather than “expect.” Focus on changing what you can change(yourself) rather than on what you can’t (others).

Toilet Paper vs. Women?

America respects toilet paper MORE than America respects women.


That's right. You read the statement correctly. I said that America respects toilet paper more than America respects women. I was recently watching t.v. (which I RARELY do), and a Cottonelle commercial came on. I love Cottonelle. It's my favorite toilet paper. But the commercial they showed really blew my mind. In the commercial, a woman goes to use the restroom at a friend's house. She comes out, and expresses amazement that his toilet paper is "naked." She says, "Respect the roll." She accuses him of "taking his toilet paper for granted." The point is that "Toilet paper that nice deserves respect." Cottonelle has come out with toilet paper roll covers. (They're free, apparently.) And the commercial is encouraging respect for Cottonelle toilet paper. Toilet paper that good shouldn't be taken for granted, and deserves respect. It deserves to be "covered up."

What strikes me as odd is that the very woman who couldn't believe her friend wasn't "respecting the roll" likely doesn't even respect herself as much as she does the toilet paper. Because my guess is that she probably covers that toilet paper more than she does herself.

Is this ironic to anyone besides me? We live in a country where toilet paper deserves "respect," shouldn't be "taken for granted," and needs to be "covered." Yet our country does not believe that women deserve the same respect? Are women now degraded to something worse than toilet paper, of all things?

Honestly, am I less worthy than what you use to wipe your rear? (Sorry to be crass, but I want to make the point.) What kind of priorities does our country have? To respect toilet paper more than women?

It blows my mind that there can be hundreds of commercials that use the exposed bodies and seduction of women to sell their products (which are rarely even related to sexuality), clearly disrespecting women to the highest degree, and yet Cottonelle wants to encourage people to "respect the roll" by not letting it be naked. But women are naked on nearly every channel, billboard, magazine, and advertisement?

But let's think about this. Has the average American woman done anything to earn more respect than what toilet paper deserves? I think I can confidently say that toilet paper has never tempted a Christian man. Toilet paper has never dressed in a provocative way, seeking to tempt men who are working to be pure in thought and in action. Toilet paper does not carelessly make life difficult for men of God who want to be faithful to their wives. So why shouldn't toilet paper be more respectable than (many) women? Personally, I would prefer my husband to see toilet paper than for him to see the "world's sexiest woman." That roll of toilet paper is, frankly, more respectable than any woman who earns a label like that.

If you want to get the toilet paper roll cover, you won't offend me. But if you're going to "respect your roll," I encourage you to examine your wardrobe while your at it. Ask yourself if you are "respecting your roll" more than you are respecting yourself. If we have become a country that respects what we use to wipe ourselves more than we respect our women, there is a serious problem. Have we come to the point that women have to compete with toilet paper? Or is it just that women in the world have become so careless and trashy that even toilet paper has become more respectable than the average American woman? The media needs to stop encouraging women to dress so scantily. Women need to respect themselves more. Women are more respectable than toilet paper, and it's time they acted like it.

Here is the commercial:

Keeping Your Balance

Have you ever thought much about a pendulum? They swing all the way to the right, stop for just a moment, only to swing in the opposite direction, all the way to the left, where they stop for another moment, only to swing right again. They only stop at the extreme right or at the extreme left. They never stop anywhere in the middle.

One of my instructors at Heritage Christian University blessed me with a little piece of information. He encouraged me to always aim to stay balanced. He uses the illustration of a pendulum swinging. It seems that when we are raised believing one way, and ultimately study to discover that our beliefs were not entirely correct, we tend to react in a way that we swing the opposite direction. Often, if we are not careful, we can swing too far in the opposite direction.

I've found, as I've learned more about the Bible and how to study it and what I believe, that it is very easy to swing like that pendulum. It takes a lot of effort to try and maintain balance in everything. It's easy to develop a bitter attitude when I realize that something I have always believed is not entirely correct. And I have to work to try and maintain balance. And I have to work to maintain a Christ-like attitude and mindset, as I strive to become who He wants me to be.

In my time at HCU, I feel like everything I have always believed has been questioned and stripped away from me, as I have learned not to just accept everything without studying it. There are a lot of things that have led me to think, "is that really Scriptural?" And as I've studied, I've found that a lot of things I've believed were clear are actually not so clear. I regret that I may have developed some bitter attitudes that were not always what Christ would have me to be. And I am sorry for that. My husband and I have always firmly believed that if people know you love them and if you tell them in the right way, you can tell them anything. And we have seen that proven true in numerous situations. I want to seek to have an attitude so that people know I love them and I want to have the wisdom to approach people in the right ways so that God can, though me, reach more. I pray that God will mold me into that type of person.

I want to encourage you to think about the pendulum as you grow in your walk with Christ. Try not to be like the pendulum, stopping only at the extreme right or at the extreme left. Instead, seek to be in the middle. Strive to be balanced and to be as much like Christ in your approach as you possible can.

I am not an advocate of the "liberal" and "conservative" distinctions that Christians make between themselves and their brothers and sisters in Christ. I think making those distinctions is not Christ-like and I believe it only harms the impact that we can have on the lost. However, I believe that if we were all aware of this pendulum effect, and we all sought to try to control it better, rather than letting ourselves react in an erroneous way, more people would land closer to the middle. And the church would result in being more united. And since God longs for his people to be in unity, that result would bring a smile to His face.

When Things Don't Go According to Plan

Tonight, I was trying to figure out what to do about supper. I really didn't want to go to the grocery store. We had the basics . . . chicken in the freezer, green beans, potatoes. But I didn't know how I wanted to cook the chicken. I started looking online for a recipe. The cool thing about recipes is that you can always substitute, leave something out, or add something extra. As I searched for a recipe, I finally found one that sounded manageable and something we would like. While I didn't use chicken thighs, like the recipe said . . . and while I didn't use the same amounts that the recipe suggested, I followed the basic idea of it.

I think in life, sometimes we have a "recipe" in mind, and it's easy to really get frustrated and even scared when the recipe can't work according to plan. Sometimes we have to adapt in different ways. In life, things just don't always work out the way we hoped, planned, or rehearsed them to.

I never really cooked before we got married. Fortunately, I must have a knack for it, because most of what I've made has been really good. But when I first started cooking, I never wanted to stray from the recipe. I was always afraid of messing something up. But I've realized, as I've learned, that sometimes straying from the recipe is a good thing. Often, it's just what is needed to have a knock-out dish.

I think it is very analogous to life. If we try to "stick to the plan" constantly, sometimes it will become difficult because the plan just falls apart. And when things like that happen, we need to have the wisdom and the courage to stray from the "recipe" and make it work. . . even if it means that Plan A has to turn into Plan B. And the turnout, often, comes out better anyway.

When Dreams Come True

When I read this, I fall to my knees in thankfulness to God. There was a time in my life when I wondered if this statement was true. I didn't have the family that I wanted. My life at home wasn't the "Christian" life that I so desperately desired. I hated my life in a lot of ways, and I loved God so much. And I couldn't understand why God hadn't placed me into a situation where my family lived the same life that I sought-one that led to heaven. I couldn't understand what I had done to "deserve" the punishment I felt like I was dealt. But I held on. I held on when I read this passage. I prayed. I trusted God with every ounce of trust I could muster.

It paid off. My dreams came true! The life that I am living right now is the life that I dreamed of as a young girl. I love everything about it. I love my husband. I love that he is a man of God. I love working so closely with the church. I love attending Heritage Christian University where I can learn more and more about God. I love the future that I dream of. I love the children that I dream of. I love the family that we have and the family I can imagine in the future. I love everything about it, and I have no one to thank for it but God. God has blessed me with this life that I live. I haven't earned it. But I am so thankful for it.

All those years ago, when I was so afraid that things would never change, God's promise held true. He did (does) have a future for me. His plans for me were (are) to give me a future and a hope. And He has blessed me in ways that I can never thank Him enough for.

I fall down in worship is I reminisce, awestruck, about the impact He has had and is having on my life each day that I live and each breath that I take.

Dear God,
Thank you. You have blessed me so richly. You have given me such a wonderful life. Your hand in my life has been so clear, so obvious, and so amazing. I am awestruck by your presence. Please help me to never take this for granted. Please stir in me, daily, a desire to live my life in a way that glorifies and thanks You for all that You have done. And please, God, if we are ever blessed with children, start molding me now. Do what it takes to turn me into the type of woman you would have a mother to be. And if we are blessed with children someday, give us wisdom to show them Your way. Give us wisdom to teach them Your way in a way that sticks, so that they will grow in the faith and be Yours forever. Thank you for giving me a future with a hope already. And I pray that the future with a hope that you've promised will continue to unfold in my life. And I pray that I will continue to recognize Your hand in it and give you every bit of the glory for it.
Amen.

Forever Unanswered "Why?"

I was in the 4th grade. I had just turned in my test. And she just laid it there. Right on my desk. And my heart began to race, as I looked and saw that she had given me sentences! Why? What had I done?!

Have you ever had something happen to you and, for the life of you, couldn't understand why? This was one of those times. In fourth grade, at McBride Elementary, my teacher liked to give sentences to students as punishment. She expected students to write the sentence "100 times." I can still hear her voice as she gets onto a student: "You will write 100 times."

I was always a good student. All of my teachers always said I was a joy to have. I think it's mostly because I was so shy back then. I was quiet. I did what I was told. I avoided having any attention at all costs. And this teacher laid those sentences on my desk without ever giving me any explanation!

To this day, I still don't understand why she gave them to me. I have replayed the scene in my head so many times, and I still don't know why I had to do them. But I did them. And I was too intimidated to even ask her what I had done. I just did them.

This was one of my first experiences of an unanswered question. The funny thing about it is that now, it seems like I have more unanswered ones than I have answered. Why is the question parents seem most annoyed with and kids can never get a satisfactory answer to. But why is a good question to ask. After all, there is no reason to waste time on something if there is no good purpose for doing it. I am thoroughly convinced that the greatest thinkers are great because they always ask "why." My husband, for one, has a very philosophical mind. He is always asking why things are the way they are. He is always trying to figure things.

I pray that I will never be a parent who responds "Because I said so." I want to give my children the explanation they are searching for. I want to encourage them to ask why. I, personally, feel that I should be asking why more often.

To be sure, we will never have the vast knowledge that God has. But we will have a lot of things revealed to us in the end that we simply cannot and do not understand now. That's certainly something Christians have to look forward to.

When I think about asking "why," I can't help but thinking about us having a son someday. I can just picture him being just like his daddy, in the child version: "But Mama, WHYYY??" The thought thrills my heart.

Maybe then, I'll somehow learn why that teacher gave me those 100 sentences.

Modesty-->It Goes Back to the Gospel

Modesty. Not that big of a deal, right? I mean, it's just a pair of shorts. It's just a halter top. Sure it's tight, but it flatters my figure. Surely, it's okay for me to wear. Surely it's okay for Christians to wear.

This justification is dangerous. It's wrong. It's sinful. And truly, modesty isn't about the hemline. It's not about some arbitrary set of rules. It's not about shorts being past the fingertips or shirts being high enough or sleeves being a credit card in width. It's about the heart. Modesty isn't something you do. It's something you are. Modesty is a characteristic, a mindset, an attitude, and a way of life. And when one truly is modest, she will not wear things that are questionable or inappropriate (unless it's by accident or out of plain ignorance).

Guess what? MODESTY IS THAT BIG OF A DEAL! It's a huge deal. And it all goes back to the Gospel of Christ. His death. His sacrifice for you. Don't believe me? This video is the best thing I've seen or heard on this topic. I was almost in tears by the end. Before you listen:

"Dear God, I pray that you would open the hearts of those who are about to listen to this. I pray that You will use Your Holy Spirit to convict the hearts of the listeners. Show each one wear she is in the wrong. Show each one where she needs to make life changes in order to become the Proverbs 31 woman that you created her to be. Use those who are changed to make a difference in your name in the lives of all those around her. Use her to spread the modesty trend among women in the Christian community. Help all women to stay strong and to know who they want to appeal to: You. In Christ's Name, Amen."