24 Lessons I Have Learned in 24 Months of Marriage

It has been said that the first two years of marriage are the most difficult. I'm not sure if that holds true for every married couple or not. Our first two years have been more joyful than miserable. They've been more fun than unbearable. That being the case, we have learned some valuable lessons during our first 24 months together. I can't speak for my other half, but I can share some of the things that I've learned. In all honesty, if I didn't place a limit on how many things I share, I would probably never stop (hey, you learn something new everyday, right?). For that reason, I am going to list 24 lessons that I have learned in 24 months of marriage. Some may be serious and some may give you a good laugh. They are written in no particular order.

1) Laugh. No matter what else is going on, always find something to laugh about. Everyday. It's good medicine and you feel better about each other when you know you can be yourself and just laugh with each other.

2) Communicate. Don't expect your spouse to know what you are wishing he/she would do. Ladies, if you have a lot to do and you need him to lend a hand with the dishes, just ASK! Kindly. :) Chances are, he won't mind a bit. He didn't offer because he TRULY just didn't think about it. Don't expect your spouse to be a mind reader.

3) Accept. I don't care how compatible you are, your spouse will NEVER meet all of your expectations. You have two options: a) you can resent that fact that your spouse fails to meet your expectations, b) you can accept your spouse as he/she is. Chances are, your expectations are unrealistic anyway. That puts you in the place of the one who needs to change. You can't expect your spouse to be something that is unrealistic. The best option is to accept and appreciate him or her as is.

4) Forgive. We've never been a couple to hold a grudge towards each other, at least not on purpose. We never stay mad at each other for more than a few minutes, a couple of hours tops. Never let yourself go for days or weeks angry at each other. Life is too short and marriage is too sweet to make it miserable for both of you. Get over it and move on. Be willing to agree that you both win, and move on to bigger and better things.

5) Inform. This might be a little crass, but it's necessary. Ladies, inform your man when it's "that time of the month." You, like every other female, will probably get ticked at him for something you would never get ticked about at any other time ever. He will take it personally, get confused, and be angry. By simply informing him that it's about that time, he will expect it and won't think a thing about it. If he knows how to treat a woman, he will be gracious and take whatever you throw at him, knowing that it's nothing personal.

6) Take Pictures. We had engagement pictures taken in the fall, right before our December wedding. Since then, we have had pictures taken each of the subsequent years around the same time. It is amazing to look back to the engagement pictures and see how we've changed in just a little over two years. We just look more mature than we did then. And I have no doubt that when children come along, looking at those old pictures will be a blast for the whole family. And when we are old and gray, we will be able to see every stage of our lives. It's not always convenient, but it's definitely worth it. Even if you have to drag your husband kicking and screaming, he'll be glad you did when it's over with.

7) Choose. Most people associate love with a big rush of happy, warm, fuzzy emotions. If you expect marriage to succeed because of love defined in this way, just know that you're doomed for failure. The purest form of love is love as a choice. This is the type of love that creates a committed marriage that lasts a lifetime. Plain and simple, there will be days when you don't like each other that much. There will be times when you just don't want to show your love for your spouse. But guess what? God wants you to do it anyway. That's why he commands Christians to deny ourselves daily. That means when we don't really want to do something for our spouse, we choose to do it anyway because it is what is best for them. We do it anyway because God expects it. We do it anyway because we promised on December 18, 2010 that we would.

8) Dream. Some of the best moments we've had since we've been married have been the moments when we plan goals and dream about the future together. When you accomplish great milestones, you imagine what the next one will be like. You talk about the future and plan how you hope things will be. These are some of the most energizing conversations we have had. Dreaming together and planning your future together is another part of being committed to each other for a lifetime.

9) Dress Well. If you are planning on accomplishing great things together, dress like it. When I was in high school, I wore t-shirts and jeans almost every single day. There's nothing wrong with that, and I still wear that stuff occasionally. But I've made big changes in that department, and it's amazing how it can make you feel about yourself. Dress for success and you can expect to succeed. And both spouses appreciate seeing one another care enough to dress well. When you feel good about your appearance, you are more confident in who you are, and that positively impacts your marriage along with everything else that you do.

10) Celebrate. When one of you accomplishes something that matters a lot, big or small, celebrate it together. Young married couples are each other's main cheerleader. When something great is accomplished, show the other than you care and that you are proud of them. You need that support and encouragement from each other.

11) Throw Things Away. Don't accumulate junk. Start your marriage off with the good habit of throwing out, or donating, what you don't need. Trust me, it doesn't take long to accumulate enough for two (or more!) households. And clutter can drive you both crazy. Do yourselves a favor and make the habit of going through and de-cluttering a few times a year. You'll thank yourselves for it.

12) Try New Things. There is always something that you've never done together. Find something like that occasionally and do it. You might not enjoy it. You might find you hate it. You might find you love it. But the fun part is doing it together for the first time.

13) Do Old Things. Take the time to go do some of the things you did when you were dating, or things you did together on your honeymoon. It's always good to remember those old times and make new memories in the here and now. Doing things you use to do together can remind you why your together and renew appreciation for one another.

14) Recognize Important Dates. Gifts might not matter much to one or both of you. And that's fine. But it's still important to recognize birthdays, anniversaries, and the like. If you hate gifts, take a trip together or go do something you've been wanting to do for a while. Even if you hate gifts, everyone loves receiving a card. And if going to pick out a card is too difficult, open up a Microsoft Word document and just write down a few thoughts for each other. But DON'T, and I mean DON'T ignore the date altogether. It's nice to have something to save so you can look back at it through the years and appreciate each other more.

15) Care. Both of you will have your own different passions in life. When you're passionate about something, you're going to talk about it, probably a lot. Listen to each other talk about your passions. Express enthusiasm and encourage each other in these areas. Passion is what drives people to do great things and be successful. Help your spouse become all he/she can be by supporting them in their passions.

16) Compromise. This one probably goes without saying. Sometimes you want one thing to happen and your spouse wants another thing to happen. Be willing to give a little and meet in the middle. And once you do compromise, be happy about it. Don't keep holding a grudge about things not going exactly your way. Compromise and then move on.

17) Cuddle. Cuddling is easy when your dating. You always want to be together and being together always includes some form of cuddling, hugging, and holding. After a few months of marriage, this decreases substantially. Make time for it. It really makes you both feel good to hug and cuddle. And sometimes you might need that when you don't even realize it. It's good medicine. Add "we need some cuddle time" to your regular vocabulary.

18) Be a Servant. Something I've grown to appreciate about Matt is his servant heart. He always puts others first and has the most impeccable manners. He never takes the closest parking spot, never walks ahead of someone else, and never fights to be first. If he needs to get up, he almost always asks me if I need or want anything. I've made it a habit of doing the same for him. If we are blessed with children someday, we hope they can pick up on that type of attitude.

19) Read Books. One of the most beneficial things we have done for our relationship is read marriage books together. For us, the way this usually works is we pick out a book together and I read it out loud when we are traveling in the car. This has worked well for us because we tend to travel quite a bit. But being willing to read these books with the attitude that there is always room to improve and grow is so beneficial for both of you.

20) Splurge. One of the facts of life is that it costs money to do things. Be creative. You can always find something affordable. But you should always be willing to splurge occasionally for each other. That might mean eating at your favorite but expensive restaurant once a year. It might mean spending a couple of nights in Gatlinburg together. It might mean buying a shirt or a book for your spouse. But be willing to INVEST in your marriage.

21) Maintain Good Health. We don't win in this area. We aren't the best about eating and exercising well. But we have improved! If you need to shed a few pounds, do it together. And even if one of you doesn't need to lose weight, do it together anyway if it will help your spouse achieve better health. Create an exercise routine to do together, whether it's walking, running, or going to the gym. Hold each other accountable. It's a lot easier when your doing those things as a team than when you're going at it alone.

22) Never Degrade. Don't call each other names. Don't put each other down. Not even jokingly. Most people are critical enough of themselves, without their spouse joining in. Never put each other down to each other's face, or to anyone else. Don't take part in spouse-bashing. It's not beneficial for ANYONE and does nothing but build resentment in you. If you're angry and tempted to do this in the heat of the moment, just leave the room. Don't say a word until you've calmed down.

23) Always Build Up. You can never say enough kind, encouraging words to each other. Always be the first to compliment and congratulate each other. Speak well of each other everywhere, be it in front of your friends, in front of your family, on Facebook, in the pulpit, to your children, or otherwise. If you put your spouse down, you might as well be putting yourself down as well because YOU picked your spouse. Be proud of your choice and speak highly of your spouse always.

24) Get a Pet. Laugh if you want. If you don't already have a pet, get one. This is especially true if you either don't have kids yet and won't for a while or if your kids are gone. It has been astonishing how much getting our little cat has impacted us in positive ways. No matter how discouraging our day is, we always come home to the sweetest little kitty. We both love her to pieces and it's someone we have in common that we can love and share and nurture together. She has brought so much joy into our marriage, more than we ever dreamed was possible.

My prayer is that someone, somewhere, will read this and learn at least one valuable lesson that they can incorporate into their marriage. At the very least, maybe something here will inspire someone to be better than they are. We don't live up to each of these perfectly. But being aware of them can sometimes make all the difference. The time is upon us where the odds are against the majority of married couples to be together "til' death do us part." It is my prayer that something here will help some couple, somewhere, beat those odds. We both have plenty of odds stacked against us. But since day one, divorce has never been an option. In fact, it's never even been in our vocabulary. And we have no doubt that we will be together until death. Our covenant with God is unbreakable and we take our vows to each other as seriously as we take our commitment to Christ. We will be faithful to the end.