The Most Important Thing You Will Ever Do As a Couple

You've heard it before, and in no uncertain terms. "Couples [families] who pray together stay together." We heard it over and over too: before we met, after we were a couple, before we were married, after we were married. But for some odd reason, it took us almost four years to convince of stubborn hearts of the benefits of praying together as a couple.

When we were engaged, a good friend gave us a gift that included a little notebook. When she gave me the gift, she told me that the prayer journal was not optional (Props to JJ Davenport). She said we have to use it. Even then, I knew she was right. And I think we both had the best of intentions. Though we weren't praying daily throughout our time dating or even our time as an engaged couple, we thought when we were finally married we would carve out the time to do it. Listen, people. Getting married does not change who you are and it is just as unlikely to change your prayer habits! Though we have always planned to implement this into our relationship and our family life, we put it off and put it off!

This past August, God led us to Choctaw, AR. In doing so, we were given the opportunity to turn over a new leaf and to start over fresh and new. Ironically, the church had a mindset to do the same! So, as we traveled five hours from Alabama (Roll Tide!) to Arkansas, we began talking about some of the habits we have failed to incorporate into our relationship/family. Prayer came up as one of the biggest failures. Though we have prayed individually, we have not prayed together as a couple with the exception of praying before meals. So, we made the decision that beginning our first night in our new Arkansas home, we would each pray - out loud, together - before we went to sleep. And we would do this every night before we went to sleep.

I wish I could list all of the ways that this has changed us, improved our relationship, and revealed the power that is unleashed through prayer. But that would be impossible. Our first night in the new house was Wednesday night, July 30th. And in less than a month, we have been overwhelmed with the result. In marriage, God allows couples to enjoy intimacy with another human that is only a glimpse to what we have with Him. But I am convinced that there is nothing more intimate than praying together as a couple. And the other areas of intimacy that you enjoy will be vastly improved by prayer together. Having the opportunity to hear one another's hearts approach the throne of God is an opportunity that you cannot neglect. Don't misunderstand me. We've had a great marriage for the duration of these 3.5+ years. But there is so much more that can be enjoyed. The benefits that you will reap from incorporating this into your relationship will blow your mind.

Whether you are a single person pursuing a spouse, a dating couple, an engaged couple, a newly married couple, or a couple that has been married for 40+ years, please hear me out. If you have not made it a habit to listen to one another pray to God daily, you need to make it a priority to begin this habit. Don't make the mistake we made of putting it off. The longer you put it off, the harder it will become to start. The very first time we did it was - to be blunt - awkward. But by the third night, it was incredibly comfortable. And our love for one another has increased exponentially (and I didn't think that was possible!).

So, why is it such a big deal? Though an exhaustive list is impossible, I've selected five reasons why praying together as a couple is the most important thing you will ever do as a couple.

1) Accountability -
Though we all have the best of intentions, we all struggle in our individual prayer life. If this is you, one immediate benefit of praying together as a couple is that you hold each other accountable. Moreover, beginning to pray together as a couple will - in my experience - increase your individual prayer life. You can't possibly list, verbally, everything on your heart in your prayer time as a couple. But you can pray individually about those things during the times in between. In my experience, I have begun to pray even more as an individual.

2) Relationship -
If you claim that you like each other every moment of every day in your marriage, not many people are going to actually believe you. But something amazing about praying together is that it makes it nearly impossible to be mad at each other. If there is any hint of hostility or tension between you as a couple, it's pretty hard to approach God's throne together with that going on between you. Moreover, praying together provides an excellent venue for your spouse to hear you - to hear your heart - as you ask God to forgive you for failing your spouse. Hearing what is really going on in your spouse's soul makes you more compassionate, empathetic, and forgiving towards each other. And hearing each other pray will - without a doubt - make you love each other more. You get a daily glimpse into the soul of the person you love most. It is a good reminder of why you chose each other in the first place!

3) Scripture -
It goes without saying that God wants to hear from His kids. In 1 Thessalonians 5, we learn that He wants us to pray without ceasing. In other words, our hearts and minds should always be in a "prayer posture." Our idle thoughts should always be directed towards God and open to His will for our lives. Moreover, Scripture teaches that prayer changes things (Matthew 7; James 5). If you want to see the power of God in this world, prayer is one sure way to make that happen!

4) God's Presence -
Do you want God to be present in your family? Praying together as a couple will open the doors of your home and invite Him in. We have sensed God's presence in our family at a much deeper level than ever before. His love never fails and never gives up and we know that without a doubt. There are so many things we have heard each other express before Him and He never fails to hear us and respond. (Disclaimer: His response will always be His will, not yours. And you have to be surrendered to that!)

5) Opportunity-
One of our best couple friends living in Georgia (shoutout to Jim and Nancy Kerr) keeps a running prayer list. Since we met this sweet couple, they have always reminded us that we are on their prayer list. They pray daily as a couple and we know - without a doubt - that they are praying for us. Praying as a couple gives you the opportunity to let people know they are on your list. It gives you the opportunity to model a Godly relationship before a lost a dying world ... and even before the Christian world that has failed to incorporate this into their families. Don't let this opportunity pass you by! It will make a difference in the lives of the people around you. We have prayed daily for Dr. Kent Brantley since day 1. Though we know who some of his family is, he doesn't know us from Adam. But we know without a doubt that we were a part of his healing and recovery from Ebola because we prayed for him together.

Is this something that you have done together as a couple, too? If so, leave your comments and let me know how this has impacted your relationship with each other, your walk with God, and your life. Tell me your story!

Keeping Your Balance

Have you ever thought much about a pendulum? They swing all the way to the right, stop for just a moment, only to swing in the opposite direction, all the way to the left, where they stop for another moment, only to swing right again. They only stop at the extreme right or at the extreme left. They never stop anywhere in the middle.

One of my instructors at Heritage Christian University blessed me with a little piece of information. He encouraged me to always aim to stay balanced. He uses the illustration of a pendulum swinging. It seems that when we are raised believing one way, and ultimately study to discover that our beliefs were not entirely correct, we tend to react in a way that we swing the opposite direction. Often, if we are not careful, we can swing too far in the opposite direction.

I've found, as I've learned more about the Bible and how to study it and what I believe, that it is very easy to swing like that pendulum. It takes a lot of effort to try and maintain balance in everything. It's easy to develop a bitter attitude when I realize that something I have always believed is not entirely correct. And I have to work to try and maintain balance. And I have to work to maintain a Christ-like attitude and mindset, as I strive to become who He wants me to be.

In my time at HCU, I feel like everything I have always believed has been questioned and stripped away from me, as I have learned not to just accept everything without studying it. There are a lot of things that have led me to think, "is that really Scriptural?" And as I've studied, I've found that a lot of things I've believed were clear are actually not so clear. I regret that I may have developed some bitter attitudes that were not always what Christ would have me to be. And I am sorry for that. My husband and I have always firmly believed that if people know you love them and if you tell them in the right way, you can tell them anything. And we have seen that proven true in numerous situations. I want to seek to have an attitude so that people know I love them and I want to have the wisdom to approach people in the right ways so that God can, though me, reach more. I pray that God will mold me into that type of person.

I want to encourage you to think about the pendulum as you grow in your walk with Christ. Try not to be like the pendulum, stopping only at the extreme right or at the extreme left. Instead, seek to be in the middle. Strive to be balanced and to be as much like Christ in your approach as you possible can.

I am not an advocate of the "liberal" and "conservative" distinctions that Christians make between themselves and their brothers and sisters in Christ. I think making those distinctions is not Christ-like and I believe it only harms the impact that we can have on the lost. However, I believe that if we were all aware of this pendulum effect, and we all sought to try to control it better, rather than letting ourselves react in an erroneous way, more people would land closer to the middle. And the church would result in being more united. And since God longs for his people to be in unity, that result would bring a smile to His face.

God Will "Make Us Pancakes", No Matter What.

In this world, we put conditions on everything we do. Think about it. If our husband calls us darling, we’ll make him pancakes. If we work, we get paid. (If we work, we can pay the bills, feed and clothe our family, and an endless list of other things.) If we go the speed limit, we won’t get a ticket. If we consume less food, we lose weight. (If we consume more food, we gain wait.) If we love our spouse in the right way, we will be loved the way we think we should be loved. (That’s a little complicated at times, but that’s how we think of it, anyway.) If we clean the house, it will smell good. If we follow the recipe, the food will turn out right. If, if, if . . .

I think sometimes in this conditional world, we tend to forget that God’s love is UNCONDITIONAL. We don’t have to “call God darling” in order for Him to “make us pancakes.” In fact, it’s quite the opposite. With God’s love, He will love us even if we don’t make Him pancakes. In fact, He will love us even if we make Him spinach, which He hates.

What I mean is, God loves us no matter what we do. Even if we don’t love Him like we should. Or love others like we should, for that matter. And believe it or not, He loves us even if we hurt Him. Even when we sin. Even if we nail His Son to the cross. (And we did). But He still loves us!

So don’t ever feel like you’re not good enough for God’s love. You are. On the contrary, don’t feel like you are good enough for God’s love. You’re not. God loves you period. But you’ll never deserve it. God is a gracious God who gives us and loves us so much more than we could ever deserve.

With a God like this, how can we NOT give Him the glory? How can we NOT fall down and worship Him? We all need a little reminding each day that God is not like us. He is not like the world we live in. He will make us pancakes, even if we DON’T call Him darling.